At the Strand of Nightmares

For the Love of a Toaster

Requested by pettymcdowell I took some liberty with the initial idea and spiced it up a bit, but I think it's delightfully weird and funny XD

Believe it or not, y'all, I'm not on drugs👌🏻
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"Mmm," the bread moaned, "Your touch is so soft and just.... buttery..."

The little pad of butter moaned back, "That's racist against my people..."

"What? You're literally a pad of butter?"

"Maybe I am, but I'm more then just a pad of butter. Go find another spread to sleep with tonight, bucko...."

The slice of bread got up, "Excuse me???"

"You heard me, bitch cakes. LEAVE, NOW. You clearly don't love me for, well, me... come back later when you're a different kind of starch."

"Different kind of... OH, FUCK THAT!" and with that, the bread started off around the kitchen, looking for that perfect companion to share his self with.

He tried hitting up the Jam, but Jam thought this particular slice of bread was a dick (unfortunately gossip spreads quickly in the kitchen)
He even tried hitting up the beans, but to the same result.

Eventually the Slice was at wits end, and was just about ready to give up all hopes for love, and therefore just decided it would just be better to jump into the soaking wet sink and disintegrate.

However, before the Slice could do such a thing, the Toaster shouted out, "Honey, come over here... I think I know just the thing to cheer you up... besides, I'm always looking for fresh, untouched Slices like you."

Obviously, the Slice was immediately charmed with Toaster's kind words, or what Slice immediately wished to perceive as kindness. I mean, at this point, Slice was low-key planning their wedding and all, even their future wedding.

"Are you gonna come here or not?"

"Yes, yes, of course, dear!" Slice squealed. Slice hopped over by Toaster, which had just gotten plugged in, if ya know what I mean😏😏

"Now, things are going to get hot up in here, sweet pea, just gonna warn ya..."

"Oh? Should I be scared?"

"Of course not..." and with that, Toaster quickly shook Slice within the coils. Slice could feel the heat brewing up upon starch, cooking, drying... toasting.

"I've... I've never felt so GOOD in my life! Whoa!" And just like that, Slice could just feel a sense of purpose... one that never could have possibly been perceived before. Slice simply could not stop thinking: So, this must be love...

However, soon enough, Toaster popped Slice right on out, and heartbroken, Slice had no choice but to go around yet again to find some sort of purpose.

Slice couldn't help but notice how baked he was, though... every last little crumb became dry and crusted over...

And so, Slice took on a new, fresh name to account for this change in state: Melba.

Trust me, the WHOLE kitchen was all over Melba, and Melba couldn't help but carry his lovesick heart with him everywhere he went, so nothing ever stuck for poor Melba.

However, there he saw his first love, Butter, waiting calmly right before him.

"Oh, please!" Butter cried out, "I want you, Slice... I need you."

At which point, Melba flipped Butter off, "No, babe, I'm Melba now." and so, Melba went rogue from the kitchen, annoyed with any prospects of romance, and went off to boldly go where no foodstuffs had ever gone before.

Granted, within a couple of months, Melba was completely rotted out, but eh, it was worth it for Melba as long as it briefly lasted.