At the Strand of Nightmares

Potato Salad Sex

How this story was written:
1. Take a shit ton of imaginary drugs.
2. Take more
3. And more.
4. And just a little more.
5. Get sober from said fake drugs and W R I T E.
6. Go to church.

Warning: This story involves potato salad.
______________
Once upon a time, there was a bowl of potato salad named Fritz.

Now Frank was a rather ordinary bowl of potato salad.

German potato salad, that is. The best kind for all of you noobs.

Look at this beauty:

Apparently this was Bobby Flay's recipe.

By the way, this is Bobby Flay:

He's seriously a solid ten, amirite?

WAIT.... OBVIOUSLY IF I THINK BOBBY IS HOT, SO DOES THE SALAD, RIGHT?

Anyways, Fritz was just siting there, waiting for "daddy" to come home.

You know... daddy... 👀

(We all have a daddy. It's okay to admit this.)

"Oh, daddy?" Fritz moaned out, waiting for daddy.

Then, daddy came home.

So, Bobby waltzed right on into the house he shared with his, uh, potato salad lover, and cried, "I'm home, my sweet Fritz!"

Fritz squealed, "Oh, daddy!"

Bobby picked up Fritz by the bowl, jiggling around his potatoes, "Who's my favorite lil salad?"

"Am I?" Fritz giggled.

Bobby smiled and cooed, "That you are, my dear! That you are." Bobby tickled Fritz's paprika, only making Fritz giggle just a little more.

"I love you so much, daddy," Fritz squealed, his cute little German accent coming through.

Anyways, Bobby set Fritz back down and he smirked readily, "So, are you ready to have a little fun, my dear?"

Fritz clapped his potatoes, "Oh, yes! Yes, daddy! I'm all yours tonight..."

Bobby grinned, and without a second more, tore off his chef's over-shirt, revealing his ripped six pack. Then, he took off his pants to reveal a penis as meaty as the steaks he grills up on Grill It! With Bobby Flay.

So, he stuffed his meaty meat into Fritz's potato-y flesh, making both of them groan and moannnn in pleasure.

Sweet, sweet pleasure....

Anyways, Bobby came into Fritz's potatoes, and I guess Fritz made.... potato... cum?

However, just as the both of them were coming down from the sexes, Racheal Ray walked in, almost in shock to see her co star naked in the salad.

"Bobby??!!" she squealed.

"Yes, my friend?"

"Are you having sex with salad again?"

"No..." Bobby was panting.... he didn't want a repeat of the last time....

"Yes... you are."

"No I'm not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Good God, Bobby. We aren't six," then, she stamped over, picked up Fritz, grabbed a spoon, and wagged the spoon at Bobby, "No more of this perversion, Bobby. No more salad sex."

"Save me, Daddy!" Fritz cried.

"I'm trying!" Bobby replied.

"Excuse me, did you say something?" Racheal said, stabbing the spoon into little Fritz.

Bobby gasped upon seeing the end of his potato lover. "No, no I didn't."

Racheal shoved a spoonful of Fritz in Bobby's face, "Eat it."

"No!"

"Eaaaatttt."

"NO!!"

However, Racheal shoved the salad down Bobby's throat, and instantly his mind was enlightened:

He had consumed some highly questionable substances last night, and it seemed the substances were just starting to wear off, so obviously he thought the salad was talking and....real.

Strange, amirite?

So, not only did Bobby have to swallow the taste of his own cum, but he also had to swallow his pride and admit he did, in fact, get stoned enough to have sex with a salad.

Former sex object or not, though, it was a damn good potato salad, Bobby thought, enjoying the taste of every last bite of his salad.

"Now, dearie," Racheal smiled, "That's what salad is for!  Now, do you want to have sex with something a bit more... human?"

"I'd be into that!" Bobby replied excitedly.

"Good," Racheal said, "They might just have an opening for you at the local brothel."

THE END.

I'm so sorry y'all had to read that😂
See, this is why I don't deserve friends.