For The Love Of You

What A Day

           CHERYL's POINT OF VIEW

After I finished getting ready I looked at the time and saw it was already 10:30 and I had to go and put the finishing touches on a project I had started a while ago. I made myself some coffee to go and I was out the door.

As I walked out the door i watched my new neighbors unload the truck and one of them waved at me I didn't wanna be rude so I just waved back. The wife started to walk towards me and I didn't wanna be rude so I just put on a smile and said hi. Knowing that I had things to do

"Hi! My name is Norah. My kids and I just moved in across the way." She said as we both shook hands.

"Hey, I'm Cheryl. Nice to have some people in that place, it's been empty for a while." I said as we stopped shaking hands.

"Is it haunted or something?" She asked as she started laughing. I slightly laughed.

"Not that I know of. It's a really nice home. Plus, this neighborhood is very nice and quiet. You'll love it." I told her.

"That's great! Maybe you could come over and have some tea or something one day?" She asked me.

"Uh- sure. It's really nice speaking to you but I've gotta-..." I said but she cut me off.

"Don't you sing?" She asked me. I looked at her.

"Yeah. I-...I do." I told her as I smiled.

"Black Velvet Monday, right?" She asked me as she smiled and pointed at me.

"Yea...yea" I responded still smiling trying to make this conversation go faster so I could go.

"I knew I'd seen you somewhere before. I love it." She said

"Thank you I do try. But listen why don't we continue this conversation at a later time." I said.

"Oh of course I guess I'll talk to you later... Cheryl right." She said as she shook my hand again.

"Yep bye Norah and your daughter is beautiful she's so shy." I said as I motioned to the child clinging to her leg sucking her thumb.

"Thank you. Do you have any children." She asked me that question sank in to my heart. I remembered the miscarriage I went through because of Mikes lying ass.

I quickly snapped back to reality and responded," oh no not yet at least who knows. But listen I really do have to go I'll talk to you later." I said as I unlocked the car door and got in she waved me off and walked back to continue doing what she was doing. She's oddly invasive but overall seems like a nice woman.

I put all my thoughts of that conversation I just endured out of my head and focused back into my to do list for today. 2 meetings lunch with ma and than ending my day with some much needed studio time.

After my meetings, I was already feeling really, really tired. Although, I told Ma that I would go to lunch with her- I have to go despite how I'm feeling. So, I made my way to the place that we said that we would meet each other at.

"Hey, Ma." I said as I saw her already sitting down at a table.

"Hey, baby girl. Had me waiting all this time." She said as she gave me the side eye. I shifted in my seat and smiled a little.

"I'm sorry. You know how it is." I told her as I took a deep breath and picked up the menu.

"I do. I miss you, Cheryl." Mommy told me as she smiled at me. I looked up at her, smiled and looked back down at the menu.

"Ma, you act like you haven't seen me in years. You know that I miss you and Daddy very much as well though." I told her.

"I know baby but it's just you've been distant since the miscarriage and Mike. I'm worried about you love" ma said to me. She's always been very honest with me but that stung a little.

I shifted in my seat at the thought of what she was saying to me. "Ma I don't wanna talk about him or that I just wanna enjoy this lunch and time with you okay." I said as I crossed my arms at the thought of everything.

"No cheryl ann we will discuss this right now okay I love you with every breath I have in me. You're not getting any younger and this hostility anger and all this has to go." She said to me abruptly

"Ma, come on now. I'm not upset, I just...it's hard. I hate thinking about it and....it's just hard." I said as I looked away from her. I could feel my face getting hot because the tears started to dwell up in my eyes. This subject always got me deep into my feelings. Not Mike...the miscarriage. It hit me like a ton of bricks then and I can see feel the pain.

"Cheryl, look at me. I'm your Mother and I am here for you. You can't just hide how you're feeling about this and tuck it away. You're making yourself busy, so that you won't think about it. You need to heal from it...I know that it hurt you but sweetheart, I'm here for you! You know this." She said as she touched my hand.

When she touched my hand I looked over at her and there were tears flooding my eyes. There was always something about the way she talked to me that made me get like this.

"Now talk to me baby. I know this isn't about that man. Now your father and I taught you better than that. It's about that baby." She said as she took a tissue and wiped away some of my tears that had already fallen.

"Ma I wanted that baby more than anything. It would've finally completed me and Mikes dream the reason we got married, but the stress from him and everything he was doing plus work... it was too much and before I knew it my... my baby was g-gone." I was now fully in tears sobbing. She rushed up from her seat and came to my aid. She held me as I cried in her arms

"Awww, I know it. I know." She said as she held me tightly. I didn't want her to move nor leave me- in her arms was where I felt so much better at. At that point, all the hurt that I held inside of me poured out. It feels as if it's been buried there for so long.

"I know that it hurts and it's hard but maybe one day you'll have a child of your own whom you can love on and care for." She said as I buried my face into her. I felt ridiculous crying like this in public.

"I don't think that it will happen." I told her as she let me go and wiped away my tears.

"Yes it will." She said as she pulled her chair over towards me and sat down in it. She grabbed my hands and looked at me. I looked around at people taking a glance at me because of how I just broke down. I hated crying and that's why I keep everything always balled up inside of me.

"No, Ma. All I've ever wanted was a child to just give my all to and to love. That's all I've ever dreamed of...just having my own baby. Somebody to call me Mommy-.....just the thought of it makes me beyond happy." I said as I looked down.

"Baby put this in Gods hands and let him work this out. Maybe that wasn't the way for you to get what you want, but there is a way for you baby." She said as lifted my chin-up.

"Thanks mommy I love you so much." I said as I clung to her and hugged her tightly.

"Anytime baby. You haven't called me mommy like that since I don't know when. I miss you baby girl don't hold things like that in talk to me Alright." She said as we separated  and prepared to go I realized the time and I had to get to the studio.

"I won't ma I love you." I said as I stood up wiped the last bit of my tears hugged and gave my mom a kiss and made my way to the studio

*After the studio*

"Alright y'all I'll see you guys next week. We're done and I'm tired" I laughed as I went to get into my car and head home. I took a different route than usual they were working on the roads that way. It's 8:45 and it's dark outside but the car lights exposed some of the town. I wanted to grab something to eat before I went home so I went to a cute little hole in the wall diner I had heard about. I ate and I walked out and I saw something that almost shattered my heart...

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