Desire ♡ Jungkook/Reader FF ♡ Completed ♡

Closure

Y/N's POV

"You never did know how to do a tie properly." I chuckled, reaching across the table to adjust the black tie Yoongi was wearing.

"Why are you wearing a tie anyway?" I added with a smile.

"I wanted to make an effort, show you that I've changed and can be responsible." I felt myself blush when noticing how intensely he was gazing at me, I finished adjusting his tie and moved back to my seat.

"You look good by the way." He smiled and nervously messed around with the napkin on his lap.

I wasn't expecting that.

"Erm, thanks." I smiled, keeping my focus on the menu.

"Excuse me, are you ready to order?"

I lifted my head as a young woman probably around her early twenties appeared at our table, she was wearing a smart black uniform and had a pen at the ready to take our order.

"You go first, I haven't decided yet." I smiled over at Yoongi and he gave a nod.

"Okay, erm....I'll take the Samgyeopsal please and also a bowl of Seolleongtang."

"What would you like to drink?"

"I'll just take a water please, ice and lemon."

"Okay, what about you?"

I finished looking over the menu and closed it.

"I'll take the Dolsot Bibimbap please with some extra gochujang, I like it quite salty and water to drink."

"Of course, I'll be right back with your drinks."

"Thanks." I smiled and waited for her to leave before looking over at Yoongi.

Why is he still looking at me?

"It's weird but nice....the two of us eating out together, don't you think?" He smiled and tilted his head, dark eyes studying my every move.

"Yeah, it's definitely weird. It's been so long since we did this, over four years." I found it difficult to look at him, that familiar ache in my heart reminding me of what happened.

"I'm sorry, about everything." I noticed how sad he seemed, the tone of his voice full of guilt and remorse.

"I just....." I finally met his gaze.

"If you weren't happy, why didn't you just tell me? I mean isn't that what couples do? I just don't understand why you asked me to marry you if you weren't even ready to fully commit."

"I was happy, there's nothing you did wrong Y/N. I just wasn't ready for something serious, it's difficult to explain."

"Try....please try. I just don't understand why you asked me to marry you if you weren't ready for something serious, please try and explain that to me."

"I loved you, there was a part of me that was scared to lose you. I was messed up Y/N, I really didn't know what I wanted at that point in my life. I thought that getting engaged might make me feel differently, I thought it was the right decision to make but I was wrong. It just made things complicated....fuck....I never wanted it to end like that."

I nibbled on my bottom lip, trying my hardest not to get upset.

"Did you feel guilty? I know you were drunk but....did you at any point feel guilty for what you were doing?"

"Of course.....I was completely trashed and confused over what was happening with us. I didn't know what to do, I wasn't sure what I wanted and so went out that day with some of the guys from my course. I knew it was wrong....the moment she started flirting with me yet for some reason I just let it happen. I didn't allow myself to think too much about it....then you came home early and that's when it hit me."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, the last thing I wanted was to cry in front of him.

"The way you looked at me, the disappointment and pain....that's when the guilt hit me. I never wanted to hurt you, it just wasn't the right time for us."

"Didn't you miss me....miss us?" I quickly wiped away my tears before he noticed them, I was too late though as he was already leaning across the table to cup my face between his small hands.

"Yes, there was a part of me that wanted to run after you....explain myself and try to make our relationship work but there was another part of me that wasn't ready for that. I did miss you, it took me a long time to move on and if I'm honest....I never really did get over you."

"You hurt me....I loved you so much and was ready to spend my life with you. It's been four years and I still haven't moved on from you....from what happened."

I finally let myself cry, not even caring that people could see.

"Y/N....I know and I'm so sorry. I was young and stupid, I didn't know what I wanted. I do know that you didn't deserve my cruel treatment of you, you're such a beautiful person and you deserved....deserve so much better." He gently wiped away my tears, eyes full of so many different emotions.

"Y/N....there was no excuse for what I did. I'm truly sorry for everything that happened, I just want to start over, for us to try again. I'm not that guy anymore, I know what I want."

"The truth is Yoongi." I kissed his palm before gently moving back.

"I think....there's always going to be a part of me that loves you but what I wanted from today was closure."

"Closure?" Yoongi leaned back, his tone one of disappointment.

"I'll always care about you but....I'm not in love with you anymore Yoongi. I think that my love for you went away after what happened, I just needed closure."

"Is this about Jungkook? I guessed something was going on with the two of you, the way you look at each other and how he got protective of you that day and called you his girlfriend even though I later found out you weren't even a couple."

I felt my heart race just at the mention of him, that same feeling I used to get for Yoongi threatening to overwhelm me.

I was falling in love with Jungkook.

"Jungkook rejected me, I told him how I felt and he said he wasn't ready for something serious. Besides....he's leaving for Tokyo tomorrow, he's going to be in charge of the new team there. I think for now....I just need to focus on myself."

Yoongi nodded, he seemed disappointed and almost sad but forced a small smile.

"I respect your decision....there's always going to be a part of me that loves you Y/N and if you ever change your mind about wanting us to try again then you know where to find me. I'm also sorry about Jungkook, if he doesn't appreciate what an amazing woman you are then....it's his loss."

I didn't want to talk about Jungkook anymore, it was too painful.

"I still want us to be friends Yoongi, I don't want to never see you again."

"I think we can definitely do that." He smiled and thanked the waitress as she returned with our food and water.

The rest of the meal went by without incident, just the two of us catching up and sharing stories about the four years we missed.

I finally had my closure.