Desire ♡ Jungkook/Reader FF ♡ Completed ♡

Forgive Me

Jungkook's POV

"Explain." I sat down on the couch but refused to look at my brother, I felt sick to my stomach and knew looking at him would only make me more angry.

"I'm sorry." I picked up on the regret, the emotion coating each word but I didn't care at this point how bad he was feeling.

"I don't give a shit about your apology, I want an explanation. I want to know why you did this, it's twisted hyung. I know that I'm no saint, I've made mistakes and acted like a complete asshole but I never once promised Y/N something and then took it away, she knew what our relationship was. The only thing I regret is rejecting her because I knew it hurt her and I never wanted that, I just wasn't ready. I needed this time in Tokyo, even though leaving her was hard it was the right thing to do and the only other thing I really regret from my year away is not contacting her. That was really shitty of me to just totally cut her off like that but I was scared....scared that if I started to talk with her she would convince me to return and I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to prove myself, I wanted to grow up. I've spent so long messing around at university, not really paying attention to my studies and fucking around with girls and I wanted more. Tokyo was the way to prove myself but that doesn't mean I didn't miss her, that I didn't think about her and question if I made the right decision to leave." I took a deep breath, leaning back but still refusing to look at my brother.

"I came back, hoping to be with her. I wanted to say sorry, to explain myself and ask her to be official with me but then I found out she was with you and that fucking hurt so bad but I figured if she was happy and you were that I would learn to live with it. It's been so hard, so fucking hard to see her with you but I would never betray you by taking her away but then....I kissed her and I know she told you that. Damn, you've got no idea how guilty I felt but what made it worse was that a small part of me didn't feel guilty. I liked kissing her, I want to kiss her again because truth is.....I'm falling in love with her and I know that's ridiculous because I've been away for so long but I was falling in love with her before I left and now that I'm back I know that my feelings haven't changed. I want to be with her, I want to see if we have something but I'll never take her away from you. If Y/N chooses to forgive you, if she decides to be with you then I'll back off but not before letting her know how I feel. Then she can make a choice, it's only fair." I finally finished my mini rant, slumping back and rubbing my temples.

"I did something terrible Jungkook and I'm truly sorry for that, I don't know what I was thinking. I went behind your back and sabotaged whatever chance you had with Y/N....."

I decided to cut him off before he continued. "What's worse is that you used dad, he was sick still and you took his phone and pretended to be him.....what were you thinking?"

I finally lifted my head to look at him, he was devastated but he only had himself to blame.

"I know, that was pretty messed up."

I scoffed. "Yeah it was."

"I regret what happened but then another part of me doesn't because I got Y/N, I got to spend almost a year with her and I'll never regret that."

I felt my anger build, knowing he got to have the woman I was falling in love with. "Yeah you got to have her but at what cost? You betrayed me, you used dad and lied to Y/N. I mean....part of me wants to hate you for doing what you did but then the other part doesn't because I got to have this amazing opportunity and prove myself.....don't think I'll forgive you easily for this though."

"So.....you'll forgive me eventually?" I couldn't help but notice the relief his tone held.

"You're my brother, I love you and in time we'll forget about this and move on. I don't want to hate you, I'm disappointed in you right now but part of me understands why you did it. The thing is hyung, you've always felt second best to me....yet I've always felt second best to you." I forced a pained smile. "I've always admired you, always wanted to prove myself and show dad that I can be successful like my hyung. I didn't just go to Tokyo for dad, I went for you and knowing you betrayed me.....it kills me."