Desire ♡ Jungkook/Reader FF ♡ Completed ♡

Decision Time

Y/N's POV

I'm slumped at the breakfast table, brows creased and face tense. When Namjoon sits, coffee in hand, he asks "You feeling better?" his tone casual and light.

I scowl at my scrambled eggs, "I don't know what to do, I've never felt so conflicted. I felt so guilty asking you to turn Jungkook away last night but I wasn't ready to face him, I'm not ready to face either of them."

Joon takes another sip and then continues, serious faced, "I see, well, what does your gut tell you? Which one do you want more?"

My face crumples again, "I don't know! Jungkook has been gone for a long time and yeah.... there was a time I wanted more but do I still want more? I missed him so much when he was gone and since he's been back I've struggled to focus but if he hadn't come back.....I honestly think I would've been happy with Jin. It's so messed up, I care about them both."

Joon makes his face straighter than a poker player and says, "Y/N, it's a difficult situation but it's not messed up." For a fraction of a second the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, until his conscious mind asserts control again. Then he says "I've been there before, caring for two people. It's easily done, it doesn't make you a bad person. You remember Casey?" Joon's face is serious all the way from his eyes to his mouth, no pleasure at all, not even masked. I can see this is a difficult conversation for him to bring up, I give a quick nod.

"I remember her, she was your best friend all through high school and university." 

"I loved her for a long time, was convinced she was the one for me. I planned to propose during our second year of university, even got a ring but then decided to really think it through before taking the leap. I never told you about Chloe but she was a friend of mine at university, studying the same subject and we became friends. I remember finding out she was dating someone and for some reason even though I had Casey my emotions were all over the place, I remember feeling jealous. I then understood what was happening, I still loved Casey but was also having feelings for Chloe and before you ask no....I never cheated because I don't tolerate that shit. I felt guilty, I thought to myself....how can I have feelings for two people." Joon finished his drink, pushing it across the table so he could lean over. "I was confused, I found both of them attractive but obviously had more history with Casey. I had to make a decision, one or the other and I picked neither."

I frowned, Namjoon shared everything with me so why hadn't he shared this? Did he feel ashamed? Guilty? Did he think I would judge him or think less of him. I mean yeah, I was good friends with Casey growing up and she was devastated when Joon ended their relationship but he was my brother and I would never think less of him.

"I loved Casey, part of me always will. I just felt like she deserved someone who only focused on her, not a guy who was struggling with feelings for another woman. I told her the truth, well not entirely....I told her she deserved someone who could focus on her and give her time and with my course and desire to travel that wasn't going to happen if we stayed together. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, walking away from her killed me but it was the right decision because now she's married to a guy who can give her everything she's ever wanted."

"What about Chloe?" I pushed my eggs around the plate, I wasn't really hungry.

"I stayed friends with her, figured that I needed time to sort myself out before committing. I took a year away from university, went to Australia and figured out what I wanted. I'm just saying that sometimes, there's three options in a decision such as this....it's not about one or the other. Y/N really think about how you feel, are you hung up on Jungkook because he reminds you so much of Yoongi? Do you feel like you need to be with him to move on from the past? If that's the case then you're not with him for the right reasons, you need to decide what your heart truly wants. Then there's Jin, yeah he did something really shitty and I'm not excusing him but sometimes we do crazy shit for the people we care about. Think about this, nobody is innocent in all this." His eyes grew serious, he was entering the 'listen to your big brother because he's been through this' mode. "All of you entered this willingly, you've all made mistakes and hurt each other but these guys are brothers Y/N so don't fuck around with their relationship unless you genuinely feel something for one of them."

I nodded, I knew he was right. Namjoon, Casey and Chloe.....me, Jungkook and Jin. It was the same situation just different circumstances with how we met, my decision like Joon's wasn't one or the other. I did have a third option, to walk away and have time to myself to figure shit out. I needed to really look inside my heart and come to a decision before people got hurt, before things got out of hand.

"Love isn't easy Y/N, it's not black and white. It's a burst of colour, messy but beautiful. We often fail to distinguish lust from love, is what you feel for Jungkook lust? Then we look at Jin, the man you've spent a year with....the man who made you happy after Jungkook. Have you been stopping yourself from really loving him, letting him in because of your obsession with Jungkook. I'm not trying to put ideas in your head, I'm certainly not making a decision for you. I'm saying think Y/N, really think and listen to your heart." He pressed a gentle to kiss to my forehead.

"I'm going to take a shower, think about what I said."

I gave a nod, not even noticing him leave the kitchen.

I had some thinking to do.

So guys, as the author I'm asking all of you what you think Y/N should do? Where do you think her heart lies? Who should she pick and why? Sorry for the slow updates but I got promoted at work and I've been so busy. Thanks for your understanding and patience, love you all ❤❤