DRV3 headcanons, one-shots and other stuff [COMPLETED]

(Just For Fun) I roast(?) all the DR characters (from the main games)

Sorry, will get the rest of the requests done soon, just really wanted to do this! Enjoy nevertheless!
EDIT: I changed Ishimaru's one and added Maizano's roast. I changed Ishimaru's one because now I identify as me, no labels or nada. Enjoy!

DRV3

Kokichi - Jesus Christ, Nagito, how can you age backwards?
Kiibo - *mimicking voice* I'M A REAL BOY!
Kaito - the only thing anti-gravity about you is your hair when you gel it up to see Maki. Get a life.
Kaede - ha ha yes i am real protag
Tsumugi - and the award for the most disgustingly plain character who doesn't even get good in the last chapter is...
Ryoma - a beanie baby
Kirumi - how is she in high school she looks fresh out of the 1800s
Maki - me have e d g e
Rantaro - he threw away his shot (put ball)
Angie - *me singing* KEEP IT POS-I-TIVE!
Tenko - *a swarm of SJWs crawl from out of my bookcases and tackle me to the ground before I can say anything*
Himiko - "i survive because *slightly laughing* i don't know"
Korekiyo - *dr writers* "let's take a perfectly fine character and make him exponentially creepy!"
Miu - her hair looks like a squid from mario and her personality is as ridiculous as the previously mentioned hair
Gonta - im sorry but i cant do this one... okay, i'll try... he has hair that looks like a lawnmower threw up on him. I'm sorry bug child.
Shuichi - "ha ha i wish all my friends weren't dead oh well sucks to be me lol"

SDR2

Hinata - for someone who can't remember their ultimate, you're an ultimate loser
Nagito - give him marshmallows fluff for hair and be sure to make him insane. Then watch as fangirls kiss his feet.
Teruteru - you call yourself an ultimate chef but you have a burnt croissant for hair.
Byakuya - i am so glad he died early on, enough said
Fuyuhiko - high-key the boss baby.
Peko - *singing* you must be swift as a coursing river be a man, and have the personality of a cardboard box!
Sonia - her last name is what I say to myself when I think about her
Gundam - can furries play DnD?
Hiyoko - why does she have two giant bananas on the side of her head?
Ibuki - *plays an awful recorder cover of the SDR2 theme song*
Mahiru - I literally forgot her name when writing this because she is so plain.
Mikan - Dr. Strange.
Souda - "ha ha, what is a well-rounded character?"
Akane - Aoi? Is that you?
Nekomaru - USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE YOU WANNABE KIIBO
Chiaki - human Monomi plays Tetris.

DR:THH

Makoto - THIS JUST IN: egg boy tries to pull off bait hoody and fails miserably; screams for ten minutes straight.
Kirigiri - "ah, yes, i'm just so mysterious and edgy." *the DR fandom* LITERALLY ME.
Togami - *rolls eyes into another dimension*
Ishimaru - did your eyes grow a head of hair or are those just your inhumanly large eyebrows. Wait, what am I saying? Someone with a posture that straight isn't human anyway lol.
Mondo - corn hair. enough said.
Hagakure - his hair has more depth than his personality.
Sakura - her hair looks like it was washed in glue.
Aoi - that name. it's just vowels. i demand answers.
Leon - his goatee is longer than his lifespan.
Yafumi - do I even have to try?
Celeste - Kokona decides to gamble and this is where she ended up. Don't gamble, kids.
Chihiro - 01000101 01110111 00101110
Toko - everyone on Tumblr ever.
Sayaka - Sayaka would actually make a perfect pop idol, mostly because her lack of personality means she can be put into all kinds of fanfictions!
Junko // Mukuro - for the SHSL Fashionista you sure lack in fashion sense.

Word count - 633.

So this is probably really cringy but idc still posting it—