Broken Pieces {E.D.}

41

Song for chapter- Come on Mess Me Up, Cub Sport

One month later

Sadness.

An overwhelming amount of sadness and heartache.

Ethan, my happiness. If I could have fixed it, I could still have it.

Yet I couldn't.

It slipped between the cracks of my breaks.

For I am too broken now between my own life and my life with Ethan, knowing what I know, I just couldn't forgive so quick.

Seems now that Ethans gone, things with my parents have gotten worse. I'm suddenly home more, so I see more. I realize more too.

We were so perfect together him and I.

Two imperfectly perfect people placed together.

Yet I left it so quick.

Everything I knew was going on, yet I pushed away when I was with him. I was able to cope.

I was able to live.

Avoiding the problems at hand to be truly
happy.

Now I'm home, I see my life without him.

Dull, sad, gray.

My parents fighting constantly, cancelling my graduation party, arguing over who gets to go when I walk.

We graduated in a week. A day I thought I'd celebrate with all of my friends, with Ethan. Now I wasn't sure.

Ethan and I were avoiding eachother at all costs. I saw him and I cried into Grayson- that's when I realized my heart is more broken than I thought.

Now I lay in my bed, phone tossing between both my hands.

Do I text him? A constant urge that was being faught between my brain and my heart.

Do I show him how much I miss him? How much more broken I am without him by my side?

Or do I let him fly without me? Let him grow beside somebody not as broken as me?

I look down at my phone, a month later and it's still a picture of him from our spring break trip in California.

He was leaning against the palm tree, leg hiked up on the side of it. His hands gripping the sides like how his hands would grip my waist.

It was the Ethan I am so unbelievably in love with.

I just couldn't push myself to text him. I set my phone on my nightstand, the blanket pulling up to my chin.

But I wanted him. I wanted us.

I wanted us more than the sun wanted the moon.

I didn't care what it did to me, I needed him.

I needed the Ethan he was now.

Past him was gone, his past haunted him and I always told him he was never him anymore.

I left knowing that the Ethan I saw in the video wasn't the Ethan I was with. Yet, I left in the blink of an eye after I told him I would never let his past in the way of us.

I left. I lied.

I left for us though, to save us. It wasn't an ending, it wasn't a goodbye, it was a simple 'I'll see you later'

I repeated those words in my head constantly, giving me piece of mind knowing that I'd have him back one day.

You never know if you're truly, madly inlove with somebody until it's gone.

Gone because of yourself even.

My mom constantly was getting mad at me for being sad.

That's all it was though, a heartbroken sadness.

But I didn't want this anymore.

I wanted him.

I wanted us.