Never Alone(Sequel to Back to Life)

Back on the road: Olso, Norway

It was the today getting back together for the rest of the European leg. They want me there but I don't want to. Even though I have been hiding in my room for the past three days, I have enjoyed my time home. Talking with my therapist yesterday cleared up some questions but I still not looking forward to it. I am still in bed covered up in my duvet even though it's between 60-70 degrees outside. I'm hiding in my room like a teenager not wanting to go to school, funny cos I will be 49 in a week and a bit. I remember when they wanted to go on that beach break and I didn't. I hid then I hide now.

'"You're going as we are doing this for you so you get out of the house".

"I don't want to". I start to put on a hoodie to hide my securities over my body. Then I blab it all out. "I am scared. I don't want anybody to see me, to see my scars and my weight problem. I don't like the way I look anymore. I don't have a nice toned body anymore. I have gone and there is someone else in my place I feel like". Jon just looks at me taking in what I have just said.

"But this will break will do you some good. Hey, we will only go for a day and a night. Then we see how it goes. You can wear a t-shirt or vest top if you feel uncomfortable. There are ways around it. And we do need you to eat properly as well".

"I do" I lied.

"No, you don't and you know it. Just look at you. No wonder you are self-conscious about your looks" he replied, "Get packing cos they will be here at any minute". I just stood there.

I hear the others arriving, I haven't packed yet and don't want to. I jump back in bed and hide under the covers. I am not being a big child but I don't want to leave where I feel comfortable and safe. I hear a knock on the door but pretend not to hear it.

"J you ready".

"Go away". I hear the door opening and in steps one of them. I bet its Jon to drag my ass out. No, it's not.

"C'mon Jordan. We are all ready and waiting downstairs" replied Donnie.

"OK, see you later. Have fun and enjoy yourselves. Don't talk about me much. I know you all are downstairs talking about me" I replied under the covers. Suddenly the covers get pulled off me "Hey, what fuck Donnie. I could have been naked under here".

"Nothing I haven't seen before and I knew you weren't anyway. Get up before I let the big bro bear loose. He is not very happy downstairs. This is all for you".'

This was a year ago. See nothing has changed I am still hiding, still anxious. The only thing that has changed is my body where it went from chubby to skinny as a rake to very muscular. Our flight is at 3 and we need to be there for 1 and it's now 10. I close my eyes hiding away from my brother. I already told him I am not going back. They wouldn't help, they accused me of stuff. I am not happy about and I don't want to go. They can't make me come back, only to fire my ass. I still think I know the outcome. They have probably have gotten their answer when I have been at home anyway. Soon I can hear footsteps and realise it is a Saturday. I hear my door open.

" Dad". I should move but it might be their game plan send in his youngest son to get him up. I stay still. "Dad I know you're there. I can see you. Are you staying? With me".

" I am staying for longer. Yes" as I uncover myself.

"I don't want you too. If you stay, you're going to be miserable".

" Why is that?"

"You love it".

" I don't at the moment".

"Yeah, you will" I hear another voice "You up yet. We got to go soon".

" I am not going back just for them to fire my ass. No thank you". I cover my head with my pillow to block Jon from my sight.

"Come on and get up".

" No" my voice was muffled by the pillow.

"Can you leave please, I need to have a word with your dad" He nodded and left. "Jordan, get up now. Stop being selfish and stubborn. You think if they wanted to do that if they did they would have done it by now. SO GET UP, GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUTTA BED".