(Completed) Jordan Is now has slowly recovered from the effects of the accident they had on tour last year. If he is really going to recover he will need to find that special someone so Jordan is then never alone.
Moment of truth I am ready to do all of this without Caitlin here. I have been lucky when she was here. I felt calmer and more relaxed. I didn't shake during shows especially the private one I gave her before she left. Time for soundcheck. I have been allowed to come. I haven't been to many since Caitlin was here. I was to relax especially after my big attack which a doctor was sent to me because I was in a bad way.
Here I am back on the stage for sound check. I am not sure about this as I haven't been there doing this and I am doing this without Caitlin being here. I do have my sons though and they are sat somewhere watching. While Caitlin has been here I haven't really needed to take my medication. I can really do with it now. I look over at the empty seats. I start to shake. My body trembles every so often. If I am like this now, what I'm going to be like in front of the fans. I am feeling nauseous now. My microphone is shaking in my hand now. This is just the soundcheck, the show is later. This is only the European leg we still the US leg and the Asia/OZ leg to go. I can't even get through this part without problems. Seriously I am ever going to be right again. The old me is gone, the shy quiet one but goofy, flirty one once you know me and dirty dancing on stage. It's getting too much I walk off the stage back to the dressing room. Everyone watches me go but doesn't say anything. I know it is just in case I blow up in their faces.
I get to the dressing room I grab something to eat and drink. I sit down on one of the couches. I pull my phone out of my pocket. I scroll down to find a number and press the call button. It rings.
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Hello
"Hi, Caitlin. You're not too busy, are you?".
You always have my time, Jordan. Why the call? It's early then you normally call me.
"I just what to call my girl and hear her voice".
So sweet. Really what's wrong? How's the tour going?
"It's going well".
It doesn't sound like it by your voice J.
"Well... Since you are not here anymore my anxious self is back. I just left the soundcheck because of the shakes. I can't do it".
You can and you will be fine.
"No, I won't. I know I am going to mess up sometime".
Jordan you are still recovering. I know it's been nearly two years now. But you had a serious head injury. It's going to take time. Take it day by day.
"I know".
As I said it I hear the others coming. All hear is their banter and goofing around. I sigh. Here goes to the lecture of walking out again.
"I got to go as the guys are coming and I'm going to get a lecture. I know it. I will call later for our midnight chat".
Bye.
"Bye babe".
Soon as I hang up the guys come bounding into the room. I sat there with my phone in my hand. The pranksters sit either side of me grinning.
"Are you calling mommy J?"
"When did you call your mom, babe, J".
I get up before I do something.
" Look we are only joking". I glared at them. I am not in the mood for their jokes.
"Don't make the Hulk angry". D nodded.
" Watch out for the other Knight creature. Lethal together they are". Joe nodded at Donnie's remark. Jon was looking over making sure I was alright. J, don't do anything you are going to regret once the record label finds out, I tell myself as I try to walk away. I go and find somewhere quiet to escape for a while to calm my nerves down. I sit on the floor, I'm going to try my breathing exercises instead of working out. Let's see if this works better. I sit with my eyes shut and I concentrate on my breathing. I feel a little relaxed but my hands are still shaking. I carry on with my breathing exercises really trying to concentrate on it. Is ever going to stop, I am so worried about messing up badly in front of everyone. I'm not fun me anymore I'm angry anxious me now. I don't like it. I don't know how long I have been sitting here as my legs start to ache and I hear footsteps come towards me. My eyes are still shut when I hear a voice.
"Dad".
I opened my eyes. There was my youngest sat in front of me. " They are calling for you. Are you ok?".
"I'm fine".
"Why are you sitting on the floor with your eyes closed then".
" Breathing exercises instead of physical exercise" I replied, "Let's go find the others".
I get up and feel a sharp pain in my leg. My son looks at me as I start to limp back.
" It's nothing. I sat down for too long and it does this now and then. It's nothing".
"I am telling uncle Jon".
"No, you won't".
" Tell me what". As Jon finds us.
"Nothing".
" J".
"His leg is hurting". Oh great. Thanks. I look at my son.
" J".
"It's nothing. I sat down for too long. AND before you ASK. I strap it up every show and I DO EXERCISES for my leg DAILY".
" I wasn't going to say anything of the sort. I just know if you are OK. Maybe you should sit out if it hurts that much. We will get it checked out later".
"It's fine". I grit my teeth through the pain. "I will just do what I did when I pulled a muscle in my back. I won't do any dancing on it".
"I am worried it gotten worse. I am allowed to worry as a brother".
"It's hasn't OK. It's fine. Look see". I jump on it and dance on it. I try to hide a clenched face as it's hurting.
" You're not alright J. Stop lying. Just admit it you're having problems again. We know you got nerve damage. We are going to have it checked".
"No need I will be fine".
" No after the show, you're going to go and have it checked out".
"You have to catch me first".
" Easily done bro," he said as he watches me try to run and fall in a heap on the floor as it goes from under me. I put my hands up in surrender.
"I will go".
We got ready for the show. I don't know how I managed to get through the whole show tonight. I was full of painkillers. I stumbled a bit during the show which made me panic that I was going to mess up. The doctor we have said I was OK to go on stage tonight but not to push it. He really doesn't have the equipment to really see what's wrong with my leg. They are sending me to the hospital later. I am sick of hospitals since I have been in one for four months. I do need to have it checked out. It's not going to hold out for the whole tour this rate. Tonight I didn't really dance and when I had the chance I sat down. I hope they didn't think I was boring tonight. We got off the stage, I got stopped by Jon.
" Where do you think you're going?".
"Shower".
" Don't go too far".
"Yes, Mom. I want some food too".
Later he found me eating a burger hanging out with Joe. Vik was there too with Jon. Oh no, they are going to gang up on me.
" Ready J".
Oh, great better go. What is going to happen when I get there?.....
