Hopelessly Devoted

[56] - Irreplacable

I walked through the rest of the period, all the way until free period, with a fake smile on my face. I lost track of count of how many people approached me, asking if I wanna alright.

I must've smiled and said, "I'm fine. Better now," at least a thousand times. I would've gave them the sweetest smile I could force out of my harsh lips and continued my way through the halls.

I'm yet to see Ethan. We usually would catch up about now, but I have to see this counsellor. I texted him while I was with the girls that I wouldn't have a free, and that I would have been studying in the library. He let me be.

I'm almost embarrassed about my little episode.

It's quiet now, I'm sitting in front of my counsellor, who I've learnt is Linda, while she jots down a few notes before I start talking. I tuck my hands beneath my thighs, and silently wait.

I looked better now, hopefully no traces of what happened. Luckily I'm able to pull a smile, or at least a believable one.

"Now," her voice is soft, but startled me, "Elena." She smiled. She crossed her fingers together, placing her hands on her lap as she smiled at me sweetly. Instantly, I'm feeling a little more relaxed.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, eyeing me cautiously.

With that simple sentence, I was ready to break down again. I was ready to cry, and cry and cry. But I kept myself together.

"Horrible," I mumbled, trying to keep in the tears.

She frowned and passed me a tissue box. She began talking about how I should feel comfortable, and if I want to cry I can cry. If I want to laugh, I can laugh. If I want to yell, I can yell. Again, I began to relax a little more.

My tears came out slowly as I started explaining everything to her. Everything. From Jaden and I's last fight, to right now. I told her everything. I didn't expect to explode, but I guess I've kept everything so hidden away.

It really felt amazing to get it all out, and talk to someone.

We spoke for an hour, I'm not sure how I was able to fit so much in, but I did. And when I walked out, I felt so much weight just lifted up off my shoulders. I felt better.

I felt good.

It was lunch now, which meant I had to see Ethan. That boy reads me so well, I don't want him to know about my little breakdown. I sat quietly at the table while Lucy tried breaking the silence. The boys hadn't arrived yet.

I cleared my throat, making my voice less croaky, "um, girls?" I asked, grabbing their attention. Their heads snapped to look at me, since this is the first I've spoken since we got to the table.

"Can we please," I paused, "not mention what happened before?" I pleaded, "I just don't want, anyone, to find out."

"Of course," Sasha nodded, taking my hand in hers.

The rest of the girls nodded and piled their hands on mine, which calmed me down.

That was, until the boys arrived.

They all sat down in their usual spots- Kian joining us now, Ethan sitting by my side.

"Hey beautiful," Ethan cooed as he kissed the side of my head, and I gave a warning glance to the girls.

I smiled hopelessly back at him, trying to pull one that's convincing. Something in his eyes read that he hadn't believed it, but he let it go.