Destiel One-shots

Cas and Crowley, the Teenage Girls

"So, Cas," Sam began. "When I was in hell, and Dean was living with Lisa- what were you doing?"

"I was with Crowley." Cas offered.

"Yeah, but what else were you doing? Surely you weren't with Crowley ALL the time." Cas blinked.

"Well.....I would check in on Dean every now and then..."

"Besides that."

"I was with Crowley."

"....ALL the time?"

"Yes."

"What did you guys eve do?" Cas paused, his mind flashing back to the long days he had spent with the King of Hell....

Cas and Crowley sat in a crappy motel room, curled up in two separate balls on the bed. The TV had some stupid romance movie on mute, and country music was blasting through the room.

Tissues covered the bed as Cas and Crowley sat there, sniffling and eating ice cream out of the carton.

"I got a girl crush," Little Big Town's lyrics blasted out of the radio in the corner, and Cas shook his head.

"This song is my life." He whispered, reaching for the tissue box.

"Hate to admit it but
I got a heart rush
Ain't slowing down,"

"Dean doesn't deserve us anyway." Crowley declared, eating a spoonful of ice cream. "We're too perfect for him. Cas nodded.

"I got it real bad
Want everything she has
That smile and that midnight laugh
She's giving you now,"

"BUT I STILL WANT DEAN!" Cas cried out, dropping his head into the cheap motel pillow.

"We all want Dean!" Crowley shot back. "Stupid Winchesters and their attempt to be straight." Cas sniffled and started mumbling along with the chorus, his thoughts clouded with Dean. 

Dean, who was with stupid Lisa.

"I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blonde hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
I got a girl crush...." Cas's voice wavered, and Crowley nodded along.

"Can't we just kill Lisa and keep him?" The angel questioned. Crowley sighed.

"No," He complained. "Dean would frown upon that." Cas scowled.

"Stupid LISA. Wish she'd die."

"Don't we all." Crowley snapped his fingers, and a fruity cocktail appeared in his hands. He sipped it thoughtfully as the song went on.

"I got a girl crushI don't get no sleep
I don't get no peace
Thinking about her
Under your bed sheets
The way that she's whispering
The way that she's pulling you in
Lord knows I've tried,
I can't get her off my mind."

"MAybe I should switch to a girl vessel." Cas wondered out loud. "Would Dean like me better then?"

"Don't change yourself for those pathetic boys." Crowley advised. "He doesn't deserve you, Castiel. You're an ANGEL, for hell's sake! You could have anyone you wanted! You're a badass who could smite someone's ass with a touch."

"True," Cas admitted, attacking the ice cream again. "But the one guy I want doesn't want me back."

"Then SCREW HIM! He doesn't know what he's missing!" Cas pondered the words.

"I want to taste her lips
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you
I want to drown myself
In a bottle of her perfume
I want her long blonde hair
I want her magic touch
Yeah, 'cause maybe then
You'd want me just as much
I got a girl crush
I got a girl crush....."

"Maybe you're right." Cas admitted. 

"Just you wait," Crowley predicted. "One day, the moron will catch on, and he'll be kissing your feet everywhere you walk. Then, when he's putty in your hands, you do whatever you want to him."

"Anything, huh?" A slow smile spread across Cas's face.

"Anything, you perverted angel."

"Says the King of Hell, who apparently give out romance advice."

"Hey- you have your hell side, Castiel, and I have my heaven."

"Hate to admit it but
I got a heart rush
It ain't slowing down...."

.......

"Cas?" Sam asked, snapping the angel back to reality. "What did you and Crowley do together?"

"Oh....nothing much." Cas offered. "Argued, mostly."