Destiel One-shots

Sam is Done Being Subtle

A/n: The poems were found on the internet, so they aren't mine.

For years, it's been going on.

Dean and Castiel. Castiel and Dean. The hunter and the angel who are so freaking in love with each other but won't admit it.

The two people who had literally added to the weight of the universe because their sexual tension is that fudging thick.

And for years, Sam has been trying to gently nudge the two of them together, since he knows that Dean will never act on his emotions, and never wants to talk about them.

But nothing ever worked. So now, Sam is done trying to subtly push them together. Now, he's debating about just locking them in a closet together. Subtle didn't work, so now it's time for Plan B. Plan B for blunt.

Because the sexual tension was killing the moose, and frankly, it just wasn't good for his hair. 

So something had to be done.

"Hey Sam," Jack offered, smiling at the hunter.

"Mornin," Dean nodded at his brother as the moose lumbered into the kitchen for coffee.

"Hey Dean?" Sam said casually.

"Yeah?" The hunter questioned, sipping his coffee.

"You should totally bang Cas."

Dean spit out his coffee, launching into a coughing fit as Jack's jaw hit the floor. They stared at Sam like he'd grown an extra head.

"WHAT?" Dean sputtered finally, still reeling.

"You should have sex with Cas." Sam declared. "For the sake of the world, really."

"Have you lost your mind?!" 

"Yes." Sam offered. "The sexual tension between you two broke into my skull, and ate my brain."

"You've completely lost it."

"Have I?" Sam questioned. "Or do you just secretly REALLY want to bang Cas?"

"I'm gonna go..." Jack said awkwardly, fleeing from the room.

"You're insane." Dean declared, getting up and following Jack.

"I don't hear you denying it!!!" Sam called after him.

*****

Sam snuck up on Cas and Dean later that day, when they were in the library. Dean eyed his brother warily as he approached.

"Cas, I should warn you," Dean began. "Sam has completely lost his mind."

"He has?" Cas frowned and turned to inspect the moose. "I don't see any physical trauma...."

"Not like that," Dean offered, but Sam interrupted them.

"Twinkle Twinkle, little Cas," Sam started singing. "Dean definitely wants that ass. Does he bottom, does he top?" He threw up his hands. "Screw this whole rhyming thing and just fuck each other, I mean god dammit, guys."

Dean looked horrified, and Cas looked more confused then Sam had ever seen the angel.

"What-" Cas started.

"DEMONS BLEED RED, ANGEL'S GRACE IS BLUE," Sam declared.

"Sam-"Dean began.

"DEAN SHUT YOUR MOUTH, CAS IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

******

"And on the seventh day," Sam proclaimed.

"Oh no," Dean complained.

"God created Castiel and proclaimed 'top that'" Sam went on.

"This is highly inaccurate," Cas declared.

"To which Dean Winchester replied 'okay'" Sam completed.

*****

"Okay, guys," Sam started. Dean and Cas glared at him. "I'm really sorry about the whole bothering you thing,"

"Sure you are." Dean offered.

"I am!" Sam said sincerely. "So I got you guys these T-shirts."He tossed a couple T-shirts at them. Cautiously, Dean held his up and read the writing.

"I am Dean fucking Winchester," He read. Cas held up his shirt.

"I am fucking Dean Winchester," He read. They glanced over and glared at a laughing Sam.