my darling ➸ s.m

epilogue- part three

shawn's pov

•twenty five years of age, seven years after haylee's death•

i managed to get off of bed today. every day had become a daily torture.

every day a bit more painful than the last one.

i sighed, and put on some slippers. i looked out off the window of my apartment in la. paparazzis everywhere, somehow i had grown used to it but the bright flashes still annoyed me so much.

the truth is i had put on a fake smile since haylee died.

i had never been okay without her.

how was i foolish to think i could live without her?

i grabbed a blank piece of paper and a green pen, haylee's favorite color.

' hello, my name is shawn mendes- that's the introduction to all my music videos and interviews- followed by a fake grin.

long story short; i'm not happy.

it's been seven years since haylee died, i'm still so depressed.

she meant the world to me.

and i'm ready to reunite with her.

now don't take this wrong, i guess y'all tried your best to try to make me feel better.

it just doesn't seem to work, because she was really the only one who made me smile.

not an oscar not a grammy, just haylee ruth richardson.

mom, dad, and my gorgeous little sister aaliyah- you can't imagine how much i love you guys. the fact that i belong to the mendes family is so honoring, and i'm so sorry i won't be able to carry down the mendes last name from generation to generation; haylee was the only one i could give the last name to, and she's gone. mom, thanks for always supporting me. i'm quite sure you're my number one fan and that makes me smile so hard. you're so beautiful and thanks for cleaning all the poop from my diapers when i still shitted myself. keep your head up, i love you so much. dad, thanks for everything; every afternoon we've played a sport together, every wise word of encouragement. i love you so much paps, i'm sorry i'm letting you down by doing this- but i can't live without her, i bet you can't either without mom. i beg you, take care of aaliyah and mom, as i know they will need it. aaliyah, my beautiful little sister. you mean so much to me, and i'm so proud of all your accomplishments. of all you have ever done, really. i love you so much. i will never forget you, know i'm in a better place right now. and good luck with your prince charming, i know you will find him soon- when you least expect it; as haylee found me on the verge of her death.

jacob w- bro, you know how much i love you. i know you will make it to the top, i know you have so much talent to show people and inspire them. i know you can do it. stay strong for me, and please keep loving sav the way you do. i love you.

cash- of course i had to use you guys' ship name! haha, you both are so clever and hilarious- on the worst days, you both soon got a smile creeping on my face. i love you both dearly. i swear i'll be watching the second cash movie from above; it sounds pretty good! you guys must be wondering why i'm so happy? probably right now i'm hugging haylee in heaven. take care of leah and mckenzie lazy, they both are sisters to me. love them as much as i still love haylee.

carter- or cartah, as haylee used to call you. my little rice boy, i will always remember your smile, it seemed to make my day so often. your lame, pathetic jokes too- you somehow thought were hilarious. internally i might have or might have not been laughing. bro, i love you. hope you and mary cate have cute asian babies together.