Where I Was Before You

Prologue

I feel like it's taunting me everywhere I look. I don't want to be doing this, but I don't have cause to actually close my laptop. I wanted to do something with my day apart from obsessing over what I was eating and then feel the need to exercise it off but never get the motivation to do it. The light summer rain continues to fall melodically outside and onto the window, leaving tiny speckles of water clouding my view to my front yard. Just enough rain to keep me stagnant, just the right weather for me have to stay on the couch and not want to do anything. It's an addiction, I tell myself. Just stop, but how can I stop an addiction for something I'm expected to bring with me everywhere I go, something that gives me a place in society and keeps me in contact with the outside world. A world beyond empty bowls from lunch and crumbs scattered evenly on the cushions. When will I be confident enough to be a real person?

My phone is my least favorite thing in the world. I love reading, I crave it. Same with exercise and writing music. But when my phone or MacBook is there, nothing else matters. I am only allowed to fill the empty moments in my mind with the meaningless content YouTube provides us, gullible idiots. It's a drug, and it's all everyone ever talks about, all the time, and our society would fail without it. Technology; a learning tool, it will make your life easier, help land you that job, help you lose weight, help you find a partner, help you get famous! We are being manipulated and lied to and we all know it, but no one says anything.

2018, Wow. What an especially terrible year to be 26, at the 'peak' of my life. I don't want to be negative, I really don't, but what else can I say about the world right now, and about our future generation. I wanted to change, to be more healthy, to be more creative, to get up early, to seize the day, and that's what I do! These are the core values to having a happy, healthy life, but I am the furthest thing from either of those. I don't have may friends, and can't manage to keep them when I do, people say I'm too abrasive. They don't take my advice because they know that it's good. It sounds stupid and honestly, it is, but people don't want to change, regardless of what they might say. People like thinking that they know what is going on and then having their own tiny opinion which has already been covered, claimed and talked about 1000 times before they had the first single thought that leads them to that opinion. Stupidity, alienation, laziness. I think that pretty much sums up the year we are currently in. There are so many more amazing things you could be reading. About body positivity, empowerment and good things the world is doing. But you have chosen to listen to a 26-year-old female who has nothing better to do with her time than blurt out on a page the things that she's done.

I know right now I sound like a real ray of sunshine, and to be honest, in real life, I'm not nearly as bad as everything I've written on this page. I guess the most corrupt and ugly parts of me come out through my writing. Oh well, it's your choice whether you stick around, thought you deserved to know my outlook on this almost comical world before I get into my story, so you may have a better understanding of why I did all the things I did. If you're still here, my name is Mandy, I'm 26 years old, I am addicted to technology, I have a crappy job that I hate, and.. I have a slightly less healthy obsession I'll get into later. Now, put your phone down, stop eating that awful fast food, and let me tell you my story.