Where I Was Before You

47. not what I signed up for

*WARNING, SEXUAL ASSAULT SCENE* it isn't too intense but I'd just like to warn anyone who may be uncomfortable around that sort of stuff. if you are sensitive to that sort of thing, feel free to skip this chapter.

"Hey babe, what time is it?" Freddie teased, as we walked in through the door, me awkwardly trying to lug in my bags and holding open the door at the same time.

"Do you only call me 'babe' when we walk through the front door?" Freddie walks past me and I marvel at how good he looks. He's not even trying, and he's gorgeous.

"Oh no, it's only when I know that it'll annoy you the most. And that usually happens to be when we are either walking into or out of the door." I walk in the house and shut the door behind me. Dropping my bags on the floor and not caring about them for now.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I accuse as I fall down onto the couch, stretching out and lying down across the whole of it.

"Well, you're usually coming home slightly irritated from something that happened while you were out, or leaving in a bad mood from something that happened while you were here."

"Are you saying I'm always in a bad mood?" I poke up my head and can see Fred wants to sit next to me, so I lift up my legs and let him sit, letting them fall back onto him.

"No! You just are usually in a bad mood specifically when you walk in and out of those doors." I sulk and pull out my phone.

"It's 6:30." I look back at him and see him smirking. "So, why aren't I in a bad mood the rest of the time?" I sit up slightly, even though I feel like closing my eyes and falling asleep right here.

"Well, I usually know how to make you feel better." He smiles at me again, and I see his hand trace my leg, and slowly make its way up to my thigh. I sit up fully now, and clear my throat, trying to pretend I didn't get that reference.

"At least I hope I can." He moved closer to me and pulled himself closer between my legs. I blush and know I have to stop this. I want to move, but I just shiver and freeze up. I can't move. And my breath quickens.

Freddie leans in and kisses me, but whatever magic and unruly force that was controlling me before was gone. This felt wrong again. It felt so wrong. I couldn't pull away from him, but I couldn't bring myself to kiss him back. He pulls away, and I'm ready for him to start kissing my neck, chest and... other places. But he doesn't. At first, I'm relieved, but then I realise what's actually going on, and I'm more confused. I look into Freddies eyes, and he looks even more confused than I am.

"Mandy, what's wrong?" The question hit me hard. My tongue felt like it swelled up, and I couldn't get any words out. What was wrong?

"What?" He stares harder at me, and sits up, leaning away from me.

"You don't like it when I kiss you." I wanted so hard to be able to act at that moment, but that sentence was so far from false. I touch his face and tuck his hair behind his ear.

"Of course I do!" I try to pull his head back in, but he won't budge.

"No, you liked it last night. Today, it's like you're a different person. Like, you shy away from my kisses, and I can feel you cringe. And you would never.. Grab my..." I can anticipate what he's trying to say.

"How would you know? We haven't had sex." Freddie slumps back and points at me accusingly.

"See! You would never be that open about sex! It's sacred to you, for some reason. It's adorably beautiful, like a sort of protected innocence." I sit up and move closer to Freddie. This wasn't funny anymore.