Where I Was Before You

3. my torturous source of income

"So wait, why aren't you at work?" I asked, still pretty flustered and confused by this whole situation.

"Well, the whole thing was pretty elaborate," Kelsey started. Whenever she talked about Lance she got this half high look in her eyes and her voice raised half an octave. She's really in love. I would note to myself, for no particular reason. Maybe to remind myself that one day I should probably go out and look for love. Not even true love, just someone to live with and tolerate for the rest of my life so I don't die alone. That's all I ask, that's not too hard right?

"Lance called in Sam, you know Sam, yeah? And he told her to text me to come into work today when I didn't actually have a shift right." How cute, she still gets excited to talk to me about boys. I miss these conversations actually. The ones we would have in high school about which guys we found cute at the time. While Kel usually talked about real boys, I would carry on about the already dead love of my life. Oh god, that was a major clue. No no, I'm not giving my secret away just because I gave you a clue, god, hold your horses. I was absolutely fixated with him. With all of them of course, but particularly him. I loved to look up at his face on my wall. See how he seemed to stare right back at me, even in death, I could feel his eyes just baring into me, and it made me swoon. It was crazy how I loved this man. I was a 90's kid, so I grew up surrounded by images of him and his group, but I was born just after he died, to this day, that makes me angrier than his death itself, the fact that I never shared the planet with this gorgeous and incredible human being. Instead, I have Adam Sandler, Kanye West, and Donald Trump. Lucky me.

"and when I get to work, right outside the museum is a huge poster, right, and it reads 'Kelsey Corfeld, welcome to the holiday of your dreams!'"

I roll my eyes, that sounded a little too close to a proposal if you ask me. I can't believe she puts up with all of Lance's extravagant schemes. I would be absolutely mortified if anyone did that for me. But of course, my sister is a social butterfly, and I'm a complete wallflower.

"And then Lance comes out, takes my hands and puts two pieces of paper in them. Tickets to Hawaii. Ah! It'll be so good for testing out my new camera! Anyway, I look at the tickets and they say 7:30 pm. I think he was trying to pressure me, so I had no choice but to say yes, he's so cheeky like that." Kelsey snickers. But my face turns red and I don't let her get another word in.

"Wait the plane leaves today?!" I ask hysterically. Thanks for the heads up Kel. Kelsey stops laughing and looks up at me like I'm slow.

"Uh, yeah. You know Lance, plus you said it wasn't a big deal? Why should it matter when we leave?" I was a little embarrassed admittedly. I shouldn't really have a problem with it, but I would have liked to make the most of the time I had left with my sister. But by the looks of it, she would have to leave pretty much as soon as I left for work.

"Oh, nothing, it doesn't matter I was just caught off guard. Thought I'd have more time to say goodbye." I admitted quietly.

"Awwwww, Mace!" Kelsey caught me as she leaned in for a huge bear hug. "You're such a teddy bear, you know that!" I escaped for my sisters grasp and finally, my eyes found my black tee. I walked over and picked it up off the ground.

"That's what I've been told." I kick my sister out of my room so I can get changed, and decide that I can just get away with wearing the pants that I put on this morning. They were baggy jeans that I could comfortably sit down in. It was an unexpectedly cold summer day, so I knew by the time I started coming home it would be even colder.

I said a quick goodbye to Kel. Since I really didn't have time to do much else. In the time it took me to get changed Lance had already arrived and was sitting on the couch. I gave him a hug as well and told him to take good care of my sister. They both waved as I strolled out the door. The good thing about my job was that I wasn't expected to wear any stupid uniform. The bad thing about my job was literally everything else. Well, I guess it's time to tell you about the hell hole I work at. About a 15-minute drive from my house, in a slightly sketchy area of town, was my work. 'Winter Blend' was the name of the store, and the name wasn't the only thing that I wasn't crazy about. It was a very tiny store, for the area at least. It was only about 15x4m (sorry if you use feet, I can't be bothered working it out). The front of the store was packed full of stock and you could barely walk 1/2 a meter without accidentally knocking something over. About halfway into the store was a mini staircase that led to the higher portion of the store, mostly used for very old items and where most of the employees hid when business was slow. It smelt like old leather couches and vanilla. But I guess you can expect that from a vintage store. Yep, a vintage store. I know a lot of you are probably confused as to why I'm making so much fuss over working at a vintage store, aren't millennials meant to love old and vintage stuff? Well, not this millennial. That is apart from vintage music. Which is the only reason why I work here. Every month the store brings out a fresh supply of old records, CD's and posters. Which I get to long before any of the customers do. I spend most of my pay on my obsession, but I honestly don't care. This place is golden when it comes to that stuff.

I pull out of my driveway, see Kel and Lance waving to me as I go to drive away and I wave back. Silently cursing under my breath. What was I going to do for the next month? It started to ring in my head again. One month, one whole month. God, I really was worked up over this, I might go mad sooner than I thought. I need something that'll calm my nerves, so I reach for my phone when I get to a red light and pull up Spotify. I see the last song I was playing was Brother by Matt Corby. As much as I loved 20th-century music, there were a few rare excuses when 21st-century music would make its way onto my playlist. Most of it was crap I agree, but sometimes, there is the odd diamond in the rough. I scroll down my homepage and see The Beatles on my recently played. "Perfect," I said to myself, and I knew exactly what song I wanted to play. I choose the song and place my phone back down, and immediately hear the soft acoustic guitar, weak drum kick and the simple but beautiful vocals of Paul McCartney come through my car speakers.

Who knows how long I've loved you

You know I love you still

For those of you who already know this song, you might be thinking, it's an endearing song yes, but what's so relaxing about it?

Will I wait a lonely lifetime

I've loved this song ever since I was a baby, my parents would play it to me to calm me down when I was crying. I've loved this song for my entire life, it's like my own personal lullaby.

If you want me to - I will.

It's the first song I learned on guitar, and the only song I know on every instrument I play (I'm not some sort of musical genius, I just like to accompany myself when I sing certain songs). And before you start asking, NO. The exceptional group of men I'm wildly in love with isn't The Beatles. Although they do come in my top 10 favorite bands of all time, probably at number 5 or 6.

"For if I ever saw you

I didn't catch your name

But it never really mattered

I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever" I sing along as I travel further down my road. As much as I hated every aspect of this situation, the song was managing to calm me down. It also allowed me to remember that Katie was working today, and the majority of my anxiety lifted off my shoulders. Katie was a sweet, quiet at first but very extroverted when you get to know her, type of person who always remembered your favorite flowers and brought you chocolates on your birthday. She reminded me of Kelsey, and that comforted me. There was one other person who worked there that I could stand, Kaleb, he was the cutest and sweetest guy I had ever met. Always wanted to gossip and go out for iced coffee. He was a photographer and the same age as me, and btw he's gay, I tried already.

For the things, you do endear you to me

You know I will

"I will".