Where I Was Before You

63. walk of shame

I walk in the door and immediately feel that it's empty in here. I'm half grateful though, now Freddie doesn't have to see that I went shopping without him. I didn't think that was ever going to be a sentence I said. Me, shopping on my own accord? Ridiculous.

I place my bags in the bathtub and shut the bathroom door.

"Freddie?" I call, just in case for whatever reason he was hiding and didn't want to come out. To my utmost surprise, there's no answer. I sit on the bed and look around, look at Freddie's clothes, my clothes, our bed. Our bed. Our bed, where I slept next to Freddie. Where I slept next to Freddie Mercury. No, god don't you dare. Don't you even start that. I walk over to the bathroom and shut the door. Okay, Freds not here. You're fine, what are you so existential about right now?

I lift up my hand and reach my neck, rubbing my hand over it, and remembering all the things that have happened to my neck. All the dirty, beautiful things that Freddie had done to me.

For the first time, I notice the bruises. Well, they weren't bruises, they're technically hickeys. Oh god, it felt so weird saying that. I had a hickey. I have a lot of hickeys. All over, I am covered in love bites. It makes me smile, and my stomach churn. I hold my stomach still. Then I look over to the bags, I think about it for a long time, I sigh, smile, and grab the bags.

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"Have you seen a guy that looked a crap ton like Freddie Mercury come by here by any chance?" The girl I asked at the front desk looked so embarrassed that I considered just walking away.

"Y-yes, yeah I did, a couple of hours ago, 2 pm I think it was." I see her face and she looks red. Wow, Jeez, I know he's gorgeous, I know that more than anymore, but please don't gawk at my Freddie honey.

"Oh great! Do you know where he went?"

"He was going to the pool with a bottle of wine for himself." My eyes widened and I was suddenly so much more confused. As much as that absolutely sounded like something Freddie would do.

"Wait, you let him take a glass wine bottle up to a pool?" The girl shifted her eyes and smiled.

"N-no... he was so charismatic! I couldn't help it." Jesus this scene was getting played out.

"Well, I have to deal with it every day. Think yourself lucky." I say as I smile innocently want walk away towards the elevator. I hop in and press the number 10 before I realise someone else is in there. A taller fellow, covered in paint and hand calluses.

"Wow, someone likes to paint," I comment, and I make sure to look at him so he would know it was harmless.

"Yeah, I do. I'm up here for the expo actually." I try and think back to the posters I've been seeing all day until I can remember one about an art expo happening next week.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'm in it actually. Like my work, I mean, not me." He chuckles and I smile just to be polite.

"That cool as!" The elevator stops on the 10th floor and I can hear the bickering of the people in the pool from here. The mysterious elevator man steps out and waves me goodbye. I nod my head back and smile. Wow. He was mysteriously friendly.

Okay, back in the game. Finding Freddie.

I step down the corridor and as I walk I swear my knees begin to shake. God, it was like I was coming down from a heroin high or something. The high was so intense, yet I was foolish enough to think that it would be easier to quit if I just stopped cold turkey for a few days. But it would never be. I couldn't do that. I needed Freddie like I needed air.