Where I Was Before You

45. plan in action

sorry this chapter is super short, but the next one makes up for it <3

I called back Kelsey. Apparently, she thought I'd been abducted, me never ever missing a phone call. I told her I had a good reason though, I was with Jordan. And of course, she took that completely wrong way. Not that she was wrong, but it took me a good 20 minutes of convincing for her to reach the verdict that nothing overly suspicious was going on between us. She still thinks that there's something between us, and oh how I wish there was truth to that statement. But guys like Freddie don't fall in love, especially not with girls like me. She's doing well, they've been to half the island already. I don't know what they expect to do for the rest of the month. Probably a lot of sex. Isn't that the point of these 'romantic' holidays? Just an excuse to f*ck?

She told me I have to call more, and I reluctantly agreed. I would usually be all over calling her. Even when she was still in Australia, I would check up on her like crazy. But now she actually had to call me. It was weird, being the one receiving phone calls for a change, and on top of that, I was missing phone calls. Who was I?

Freddie was in the kitchen doing hell knows what. I didn't want to look at him if I could avoid it. I felt like my childhood crush had just told me he didn't like me back. All innocence from this relationship was gone, we had passed the place I had been trying to keep out of, but so desperately wanted to get into. One part of me felt giddy, another part of me felt dirty, and the rest of me felt nothing. I was still so in love with Freddie, so in love that it hurt. And when he touched me, I felt wrong for acting. But if my mind clears enough, and I forget what I'm doing, I can pretend, even for a second, that this is real. I can look at him and see the look of love in his face, that was never actually there. I can enjoy myself, fall into his kiss, savour it. Then I wake up.

"Hurry up Fred!" I call out, even though I'm only in the next room over. I try to put on a fake smile. It was easy to want to be able to feel happy with this. But when I looked at him I just couldn't. This was an experiment. It's not supposed to be real.

"I'm coming! Just let me-"

"We don't have time for you to burn down the kitchen Freddie! What are you doing in there anyway?"

"Oh God, you really have zero faith in me, don't you?" Oh no, I had a lot of faith in you, Freddie. I had you all figured out you beautiful son of a b*tch.

"Hmmm, let me think..." I hear a sudden thud from behind me and the floor shakes momentarily. God Jesus, this isn't an Earthquake is it? I involuntarily squeal and I feel a pair of long arms wrap around me. I look down and sigh, but have to try my best not to cringe.

"Fred!" He picks me up and won't let me go. In any other situation, this would make me go red, and Fred would laugh at how cute and ridiculous I am. But I just laugh and beg him to put me down.

"Aw I'm sorry!" He puts me down but holds me tighter. "I just can't help it." He rocks me back and forth and kisses the top of my head. I put my arms up and hold his face, even though I can't see it. I feel every feature, every curve that I've studied, every line and crease I've fallen in love with. I close my eyes and pretend he's just a statue, a wax figure, that none of this ever happened and I've actually just been in a coma for 1 month, and I'll wake up any second to Kelsey by my side.

"You're just too easy to scare." He holds me close and my chest begins to sting. I hate this, I hate this so much.

"And you are too easy to get annoyed at!" Squirm my way out of his arms and grab my bag, letting him follow behind me. Chuckling and shaking his beautiful head. I walk through the doorway and make my way to the car, my head is up in the clouds. I hope I can drive us without crashing. Maybe I should get Fred to drive...

"Hey babe, where are the keys?" Freddie says, mocking me, accentuating the 'babe', like I did the other day. I stop and put on a smile before I turn around.

"Ugh don't call me that." I chuckle and pass Freddie the keys with a very very uncoordinated throw. That Freddie miraculously catches. He smirks at me and turns around to lock the door. God those pants look good on him. I swear everything looks good on that man. I stand there and don't even notice myself checking him out until he turns around and looks at me.

"Like what you see?" He teases, passing me the keys again and putting his arm around my waist.

"No, not really." I smile, evilly. He smiles and leans in to kiss me. Of course, I kiss him back, I put my hand up to his face and try to ignore the buzzing pain in my chest. I need some painkiller, it feels like I've got heartburn, but way more intense.

We reach the car and part ways. I watch Freddie as he gets into the passenger side door and buckles himself in. I look at how little effort he has to put in to just be so beautiful, so breathtakingly stunning. Why was he even wasting his time trying to bang me? He could have banged one hundred people in my town by now, not saying that he hasn't. But I was so dull. I was the most convenient option, being I lived with him, but still. Surely he has standards.

I pull out of my driveway and we're on our way. I'm gonna miss this road, the trees that marked out the houses down my street. The weirdly sunny and picturesque atmosphere that it had in the mornings. It was so calming. I would only be gone a few days right? And if all went according to plan, then I might even come back alone. I can get back to my normal life, return to watching Youtube videos and wasting my time on my phone. Throw away the next couple of years of my life.

"So uh... Mandy love," Freddie said, and his velvety voice brought me back to reality.

"Yeah?" I punch back, quicker than I should have. Fred looks a bit confused, but shakes it off and keeps talking.

"Why did you walk out on me yesterday?" He asks, so softly, so innocently. I almost don't find the question threatening at all.

"What?" I reply, after leaving the question in silence for a few seconds.

"Last night. You just uh... got up and left." Freddie said, looking out of the window, but flicking his face back to me.

"Oh.. y' know, the phone was ringing so.."

"Yeah, but we were, sort of engaged in something... and the phone had already stopped." He was pulling apart my plan. Dammit Freddie, me and my f*cking zero willpower. Everything was silent. I couldn't think of anything to say, my last excuse had been used, my plan had been foiled. I stare at Freddie for too long and have to physically force my head back to the road.

"You can tell me, love, I can take it." He says, but oh lord I know he's lying. I gulp, and try to calm myself.

"I-I just wanted it to be, more special." I pathetically cough up. Oh god, if anyone who I have ever met heard me say that they would crack up in laughter. I was never ever the one to be concerned with savouring experiences.

"Oh?" Freddie says, confused but also relieved. "Well, what did you have in mind?"

I think about it for a couple of seconds. Then I reach one my hands over and trace Freddie's leg, closer up until I'm right next to his manhood, then I stop. "Hmmm, I'm not sure." I smile, looking up at Freddie and hoping that would pacify him for now. But he only looked concerned, confused and concerned. My face shifted and I looked back to the road, pulling my hand back and try to pretend I didn't do that.

"Mandy, are you okay?" He asks, no playful tone to his voice, no giggle no laughter. He just stares at me.

"Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"You just... don't really seem like yourself."Jesus Christ little actress you need to do better!

"What? No! I'm just feeling a bit tired, I didn't really get much sleep last night." I rub my head and try to summon a yawn, but it won't come.

"Hmm." Fred agrees and turns his head back to the window.