Where I Was Before You

46. get in loser

"So, whadda we need?" Fred asks in his stupid attempt at an accent. Even during this whole thing, I couldn't help but laugh when he did that voice, and he knew it. That's exactly why he did it.

"Everything except that horrendous accent!" I push away from him as we walk into the store, hoping it would stay that way. And for a while, it actually worked. We walk into Target and Fred is in complete shock. A little different to stores back in the '70s I would say. Everything was so pristine, so commercialised, so white and bad quality. Just terrible quality. At least Targets in Australia are.

Freddie looks like an alien taking the first few steps off of a space ship. Wandering around in circles, looking up, around, down, every which way. I can't help but giggle. All of this was so juvenile to me, so completely normal. But it was so different and fresh to him, so foreign. It was uplifting to see the smile on his face just from seeing a cheap graphic tee.

"So, what does this place sell?" He ponders, walking past me and into an aisle. I have to almost jog to be able to catch up with him. We walk through the men's shoe section, which is significantly smaller than the women's'. And of course, Freddie has close to no interest. Who would? Their shoe selection was so limited and boring to say the least. What am I talking about? I'm the queen of boring style. I look down at the clothes I'm wearing. God, was this even my body? Shorts? Platform boots? A tight skinned long sleeve crop top? Well, the long sleeves weren't a surprise. I'd gotten used to letting Freddie dress me. No not physically dress me, no. That wasn't gonna happen. Ever. But him picking out my clothes. He obviously had a tremendously improved style to mine, but it wasn't my style. I only remembered what I was wearing when someone would look at me a different way to what they usually do. Not the bored, emotionless, 'is that chick gonna rob me?' look I've always gotten, but now I was getting side eyes and unimpressed looks from mothers, unwanted commentary and long stares from men, whistles from stupid f*cking teenagers, gasps from old women. I had turned into the girl that I always envied. But it wasn't me. I look at myself and still see the overly self-conscious and unattractive girl I've always seen. It's not me, it never was me.

"Mostly clothes really, and other general supplies, sports gear, homeware, electronics... which we are not going to look at!" I save myself, and Fred turns around, stops and lets me bump into him. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes, but I'm not budging.

"Hmmm, well what if I..?" He reaches his hand down behind me and grabs my butt. I flinch and my eyes widen, breathe. Breathe. He looks at me and I bite my lip.

"Well, I'm not sure..." I hold his gaze while I lower my hand down and grab his manhood. He softly moans, and I can see colour run through his cheeks. I smile and garb it harder. His face shifts and I can tell he's trying his best not to make any sounds. I let go of him and can hear the sigh as he walks back, faces red and looking both directions, to see if anyone saw that.

"How do you like it?" I ask, as I turn and start walking again. It takes Fred a few extra seconds, but he eventually finds his way up to me. It's weird... I thought he would be all over me, kiss me, hold me, grab something of mine. But I just felt his gaze peer into me, then drift back the decor of the store. Strange. That's what I wanted, right? Yeah, yeah this was the point. I think.

"To the travel section! Because I have never been anywhere and am completely unprepared for a spontaneous trip to Sydney."

"Jesus, this place has everything, doesn't it?" Fred continues to look around in wonder, and I continue to admire his childlike smile from the shadows.

"Everything except quality." I scoff, while I look around at overpriced shirts barely worth half the market price. I can't believe I buy my clothes here. Well, used to buy my clothes here. Freddie would never let me touch any of these as long as he had something to say about it. Honestly, I didn't have a problem with that. Wow, have I started to mildly care about what I wear?