Where I Was Before You

53. my life

"Knock knock." A beautiful voice called as my door slowly crept open. I tucked my legs in closer to me, so it didn't look like I was lying down and I smile as Freddie walks into my room and sits down on my bed.

"Hey." He says calmly, and it doesn't feel real. It can't be real.

"Hey," I say back, and I look at him, study his face like I have done thousands of times before. This felt so much different though. I wasn't looking at a rockstar, I wasn't looking at the lead singer of Queen, I wasn't looking at Freddie Mercury. I was looking at Freddie. My love. My life.

"You all good for tomorrow?" I can't help chuckling at that. God Fred, you're such a dork.

"Yeah." I giggle.

"What are you laughing at?" Freddie smirks and reaches his hand up to my face, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and I want to scream over how cliche that was.

"You! Asking me if I'm ready for tomorrow." I grab Freddie's hand and hold it against my face. It feels so warm, so soft. I want to hold it there forever and not ever let go.

"Should I be offended by that?" He jokes, and I see his beautiful toothy smile before he hides it away. I lift my other hand and put my fingers on his lips, ignoring his question. He full well knew I was way more prepared for this trip than he was.

"Mandy?" He tries to ask through my fingers travelling around and opening his mouth. I don't even think it's weird. I know he wouldn't mind, so I do it anyway. It takes me a good couple of seconds to gain enough conscious thought to respond to him.

"Why don't you smile with your teeth?" Fred starts laughing but I know he knows I'm being serious.

"What?"

"Your teeth are so beautiful, why don't you want to share them?" He brings his head back to me and stares at me, so comforting, and purposeful.

"You're so beautiful." He smiles, but I'm still waiting for an answer. "Oh c'mon, you probably know right? Are you that mega crazy of a fan?" I blush and remember that that wasn't a secret anymore. Ugh god, how did he stand to look at me knowing about that?

"Oh, I was pretty obsessed."

"'was'?"

"Am. kids, they called you Bucky at school, didn't they?" Freddie pulls his hand away from me and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Yep, bang on." I look up to the side of Freddie's face, and the profile of his nose is so elegant, so powerful and dominant. God, beauty never came in a more pure form.

"Hey, who's your favourite?"

"What?" I knew exactly what he was talking about. But I just didn't want to say it.

"Who's your favourite member of Queen?" His face turns to me, and I pretend like I'm deliberating for a moment.

"Roger. No contest." I wait for the reaction, and oh god do I get one.

"No, he's not! He's not, is he? I thought you said you didn't like blondes!" I don't want to giggle, to try not to crush his ego any further.

"I said that I thought blondes were exotic. And that was a joke." I choke up, and he sighs in relief, and I giggle. "But no, he isn't my favourite. But I can't say I haven't thought about all four of you in bed before." Oh Jesus Christ did I just actually say that? I look into Freddies eyes and he raises an eyebrow.

"Really? Even John?"

"Yes, even John!" Freddie nods his head and stares for a couple of seconds.