Where I Was Before You

18. Rocketman

It's like I snap back into consciousness. I look at Freddie, and half expect him to be crying because I could almost feel tears myself. It was so, hasty, so overwhelming. No wonder he was as confused as he was when he first got here. Not to mention how scared he was. It all makes sense now. I wanted to kill Harry. I wanted to find him and punch his stupid face into the ground so hard that I would knock out his teeth. He did the most awful and heartbreaking thing you can do to a person. Freddie didn't get a choice, or a warning, or even a sign reaching out from Harry to try to tell him what was going on. He had been abandoned.

I reached out to touch him on the shoulder, but as soon as my fingers got close, he jerked away.

"I uh, think I need to get dressed." He stated as he stood up and walked back over to the shirt he had discarded. Facing away from me. Isolating me.

"Freddie, I had no id-."

"Well, of course, you had no idea! How could you! You never have any idea of anything!" He spits at me. The room is silent. Oh god, that hurt way more than it should have. I can tell my face changed dramatically because I can see his lip quiver when he looks at me. Before he turns around again, silently telling me to exit. And I oblige. I walk out of the room, feeling cold, and frankly confused. But I don't question it. Regardless of everything that just happened, I still feel like I did do something wrong. I have no idea what, but I know that I did. I walk into my room and hastily get changed into an oversized t-shirt and black shorts and I quickly tread downstairs, before I'm able to run into Freddie at the corridor intersection.

I was looking forward to this day off, I was hoping to get him to tell me some of what he remembers of how he got here, so we could try and figure out how to send him back. But now he has told me, and I'm even more clueless as to how I approach this situation. It's like every time I try to help him I'm just ripping at the edges more and more. I don't even make it five steps into my living room. I just freeze. A wave of emotion washes over me, that I didn't even know I was capable of feeling. Anger. Regret. Sadness. Guilt. Oh god. I have to sit down on the couch, and I find myself just crawling into the fetal position. I can't tell you why. I was just so overwhelmed. Freddie was upset, I tried to make it better but I made it worse, he yelled at me, how did I possibly think I could fix this? That's when the tears started. Usually, when I can't stop my emotions flooding in like this, I look to my posters on my wall. My idols, my Freddie. But all my posters were gone. They were in my closet, locked away, and I felt just like my posters. I wanted to stand up, and stop crying, to be strong. But it wouldn't stop. And I hardly even noticed the footsteps slowly but surely making their way down the stairs.

I didn't look up, in fact, even more, tears started to seep out. I wasn't conscious enough to stop them. I wasn't good enough. I heard the footsteps reach the bottom of the stairs, and a dressed Freddie walks around the corner. He calls out my name, acting as though nothing had happened. Obviously not having seen me on the couch. There's silence. And you can clearly hear my muffled sniffling and sobs. I felt Freddie gaze cross me. And I never felt more embarrassed in my life. He was hesitant at first, but then ran over to the couch and put his warm, big hand on my shoulder. Which against all of this I happily welcomed.

"Mandy, dear, please don't cry, why are you crying?" He asks, in a less calm and confident voice than I'm used to. Like he doesn't really know what to do with himself. I just sniffle more and refuse to take my head out of my knees. I would rather die than let Freddie see me like this. He doesn't push me. Instead, he just rubs my back, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and slowly lifts up my red and wet face. I obviously looked like a pathetic train wreck. Which is why his next comment stunned me more than anything.

"You're so beautiful, you know that right?" He says, looking into my eyes. I stare into his for a good 5 seconds, before I snap my head away.

"Pff, yeah right," I mumble through my sniffles.

"There's the girl I know!" Freddie says as he pulls my head out of knees and into his chest. His soft, warm, and beautiful chest. I don't even have to think twice about it. I naturally absorb into Freddie. So mesmerised by him. Almost forgetting about why I just had a mental breakdown in the first place.

"Do you want to talk about it, dear?" He asks, still holding me in close. Please don't take this as creepy, because I'm literally right next to his chest, but I can smell his so pungent and beautiful aroma so well. Except I can't smell the vodka or the smoke anymore. I'm surprised he hasn't asked me for more alcohol. Or maybe he's already raided my liquor cabinet. I wouldn't know, I never check it.

I shake my head into his chest but don't move. he looks down at me and wipes a final tear that comes streaming down my face. He smiles and kisses my forehead. My eyes widen and my breath quickens. Di- did he really just do that? I'm not dreaming? Freddie holds me close for a couple more seconds before letting me go and standing up off of the couch.

"'Honky Chateau'," Freddie states, so confidently. I wipe the remaining tears away from my cheeks and begin to giggle.

"What?" I chuckle, still on the couch. Freddie walks over to where I keep my records and starts flipping through them.

"It would be perfect for this moment," Freddie says as he continues to flip through my infinite record collection. Thank god I kept my Queen records upstairs. I didn't trust Kelsey's other friends not to mess with them when they hung out here. Finally, something clicks in my brain.

"You mean the Elton John record?" I ask, standing up and walking over to him.

"Yes! Do you have it? I feel like you would be an Elton fan." He continues, eyes more kind and sparkling.

"I am, but I don't have the record." I look at Freddie, and he looks back at me shocked.

"What kind of Elton John fan doesn't have 'Honky Chateau'?" He asks accusingly.

"Hey, it's hard to find popular records these days," I say as I walk over to my speaker and connect it to my phone.

"Wait- is that your magic black rectangle?" He says, now excited.

"Yes, this is my phone." I go onto Spotify and click the search bar.

"What are you doing with it?" He asks, looking over my shoulder.

"Playing 'Honky Chateau'." And at that moment, I click shuffle, and of course, the iconic song starts playing.

She packed my bags last night pre-flight

Zero hour nine AM

I see Freddies face glow with amazement. "How, is it doing that?" He questioned, dumbfounded.

And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then

"It's magic, I told you," I smirk.

I miss the earth so much, I miss my wife

It's so lonely out in space

I feel Freddie getting closer behind me.

On such a timeless flight

Freddie spins me around and holds me close.

"Dance with me, Mandy."

And I think its gonna be a long long time

'till touch down brings me round again to find

Before I can even think, Freddie is spinning me and stepping in time with Elton's beautiful vocals. I'm dazed, but so immersed.

I'm not the man they think I am at home

Oh no no no I'm a rocket man

Freddie suddenly picks me up and starts spinning with me in his arms.

Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

"Freddie!" I yell, trying to punch him and laughing at the same time, god he was strong.

"Yes, my actress?" He teases as he slowly lets me down. I can't stop laughing, and Freddie giggles as well. The words of the song ring in my head. Rocket man. Wait-.

Mars isn't the kind of place to raise your kids

In fact its cold as hell

And there's no one to raise them if you did

Rocket man. Sydney, Queen. Oh my god.

"Freddie! I just had an idea."