Where I Was Before You

41. how quickly i fall for you

My face is still hot. I've been sitting in the car for five minutes, and with each passing second my rage grows larger and larger. I tried to warn him, I didn't want him to f*cking know anything about his future for a reason. I felt like I was in a movie, like I was playing this part, and my role was to fight and bicker and solve and resolve. But the more times we had to start the scene over because I messed up, the more the director considerers replacing me in the film. But here's the thing, I didn't even want this part! I don't want to constantly mess up my scenes with Freddie! I just look at him and feel every emotion all at once, fear, sadness, happiness, ecstasy, pride, lust, anger. If one of them overpowers the other, it all comes crashing down. I don't mean to have these outbursts, I don't mean to f*ck up the scenes. But I do! He makes me, and it's like he's doing it on purpose because he wants me fired.

Jesus Freddie why the f*ck did you grab my ass?!

The passenger door opens and Freddie climbs in, closing the door behind him and locking his eyes onto me. I don't move. I grip onto the wheel tighter, I was so beyond upset with him. No, no. Upset was such a childish word, I was f*cking pissed. My mind was in a frenzy of chaotic thoughts. Half of them were screaming at me, and the other half were screaming at me to scream at Freddie. Which believe me, I would have done. I will do.

"I hope you got what you wanted." I spit. Still not looking at him. I smile and reach my hands for my keys, and Freddie instinctively grabs my hand, stopping me from turning the car on.

"C'mon Freddie,"i stare at him. Done with this. If he wanted to possibly ruin the future of Queen, he could go right ahead for all I cared, but just let me f*cking drive home.

"Let me drive." He's not asking. He's telling me. Like he half expects me to get out of the car and swap seats with him with no push back.

"Hell no, this is my car." His eyes aren't what I expected them to be. They were stern, but fragile. Like he could break his concentration any moment. It was strangely captivating. Freddie inhales strenuously, and opens the car door, stepping outside and closing the door behind him. What the hell..? He walks around my car and over to my door, opening it and then standing against it, waiting for me to get out.

"Freddie get back in the car." I say, firmly. He may get his way in most situations, but this time I wasn't budging. I was driving us home, and I wasn't talking to him about whatever the f*ck he wanted to know.

"Mandy, either I drive or we're walking home."

"No f*cking way in hell! This is my f*cking car, and I'm driving us home!" i might be damaging the steering wheel with how hard I'm holding it, but all I can think about is how my emotional scale is tipping over. Anger is way over the limit right now, and he's dragging everything else down with him. Freddie leans in the car and grabs my wrist, pulling me out of the car, not even caring how hard he was holding me, it actually really hurt. Jesus.

"What's your f*cking problem?!" I push Fred against the car door before he can do anything else. Staring at him, I realise he doesn't have the record in his hands. I look back into the car and can't see it. Did he take it back? Honestly, I don't care at this point. I don't wanna be near him anymore. It was one thing to touch my ass in public, but quite another to force me out of cars and tell me what I need to do.

"Douchebag." I mutter,  i grab my phone off the car seat and start walking down the street. I can barely think straight, I can only think that I need to get away from him. From here. I just wanted to get home, that's all I freaking wanted. I didn't need this. I feel my emotions reach the brim and I know whats coming. I hold my breath and fan my face but the wind hitting my eyes isn't helping.