Where I Was Before You

60. when and where

I wake up feeling very disoriented. Probably because I'm not in my house, but also because there is an incredibly attractive shirtless man spooning me from behind, and I don't remember at first how he got there. I turn around and see that I remember this man. He's very familiar actually. The man opens his eyes, waits a few seconds to fully wake up, then smiles at me. Wide, sweetly and soundly. How could this man do any wrong in the world? Any at all?

I lift my hands up and touch his lips. He chuckles to himself and presses his beautiful lips against mine. I take my hand and hold his face, feeling how soft, delicate, and perfect it is.

"Morning my love," Freddie whispers as he pulls away and smiles. I smile back and roll over to reach my phone. I check the time and, holy Jesus it's 12 pm! F*ck, we'd missed most of the day...

"Afternoon. I think you mean." Freddie raises his eyebrow and takes my phone from me. He presses the home button and starts laughing.

"Jesus, I guess the swimming last night really took it out of us." I smile while remembering all the events that unfolded last night. Or, should I say this morning. God, I can't believe we didn't get caught. A topless woman and a half-naked man dripping wet, running around the hotel. You know, the usual for Sydney.

"Yeah, guess it did." I smile and try not to blush when I remember me and Freddie in the pool. How beautiful he looked in the light of the moon. How much it took for me to not crawl on top of him and make love to him right then and there. How I thought he would go crazy when I unclasped my bra. How I was so prepared and at peace with him seeing me, and even wanted him to make a move on me. I wanted him to f*ck me. I was okay with that. But he didn't.

He smiled, he touched me, and he told me he would wait. And that was what made me hurt more than anything. I crumbled inside. I expected him to at least grab me somewhere else, kiss me, hold me close, grab my butt, kiss my breasts, anything. But he just said he would wait.

Was I not attractive to him anymore? Did he finally figure out that he was gay and not bi, like he claims to be? Oh god no, it wasn't what I had thought all along was it? That he was just waiting for his chance where he had me at his disposal. He had seen my breasts, that was it? I had made myself redundant. I had shown him one of the most intimate parts of myself and he didn't care anymore.

Freddie looked down at my chest, and then up to me. I blush but can't bring myself to smile. He looks down at my breasts again and slides further down the bed, so his eyes are level with my shoulders. He looks up at me one last time, before he starts kissing and stroking my boobs. I want to hate this. I do hate this. I hate it.

No, I really don't... I bite my lip and stoke Freddies head as my stomach begins to churn again. Oh man, this wasn't good for my plan Freddie, you aren't making yourself look very good.

"I dreamed about these last night." Freddie smiles and I smile back. I lean my face down and steal his kiss before it reaches my chest. Freddie's hands are still on my chest, and that's how I want it to stay. But God help me, I need guidance in this.

Freddie pulls himself up and shifts me so I'm lying down again. Without taking a pause, he crawls over the top of me and keeps kissing me. I smile so hard I almost forget why I might be mad at him. As much as I might try and pretend that this man has ulterior motives, God look at him! He was a f*cking angel. I couldn't just pretend or convince myself he was bad. I took a whole team of lawyers to ever truly convict him of one single crime.

I feel the tingle between my legs, and it's so unfair. It's so disgustingly unfair that he gets to do this to me. That he can make me feel this way and I can do nothing. Absolutely nothing.