Twisted (Charlie Weasley)

Chapter Thirty-Five

'Dear Indigo,

I don't know if I have ever felt anything like I have right now. I feel as though my heart has been torn in two, and I know that I wouldn't feel this way if Remus simply didn't have feelings towards me. I would be able to move on, I think... but I feel like there is something between the two of us that is meant to happen. When he is in the room I feel my heart beat faster in my chest, as if it is propelling me towards him. Like it is pushing me to a future it knows I would be more than happy in. 

Throughout school, whenever we would giggle about a boy who passed us, none of that feels like this. This feels like something beautifully alien to me, and I can't stop myself from feeling the way I do. I hate going round to see mum and dad like this, and I know they hate to see me like this. I don't feel completely like myself, not the way I do when I am in the same room as Remus. That is when in truth, I feel the most alive. Like there is a reason for me to speak, or smile, or breath. I feel completely batty writing all this out, mind you. I feel absolutely mad for feeling the way I do half the time like some horrible monster has taken over my body and I am just a ghost of my former self.

Like the complete nutter I have turned into, I thought maybe Dumbledore would have some insight to what I feel... but he was gone, and I probably will get in shit for leaving my post in the first place. I did happen run into Harry, he too looks worn down, I remember feeling that way in sixth year, the professors breathing down our necks as we attempt to get ready for our N.E.W.T.S. I think there was more to it than just the difficulty of classes though, in Harry's case. He seemed more stressed than I remember myself being, and getting into Potions with Snape was no easy feat, and staying in the class was even more difficult. 

Life seemed much simpler back at Hogwarts, do you miss it? I sure do. The days we spent in the common room and sneaking off to the kitchens. Life seemed easier, more at peace in those days. I think it was around that time when my mum and dad finally stopped looking over their shoulders, and it was when I meet you. 

A war is coming Indy, a war like none of us have ever seen. You think Remus would appreciate a little bit of love in a time like this. I sure as hell would. 

In truth, I have been rather lonely since you moved to Romania. Maybe it's just seeing how happy you are now with Charlie and Artie and in your job. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, I love being an Auror and I love my apartment and I am glad I did it all. All of it just seems empty without you here or anyone to share it with. I never really pictured myself feeling like this when I was younger, so alone, but I want it now. I want to be whisked off my feet and wooed... more importantly, I wish Remus would woo me, but I can hardly picture the man doing such a thing. Just the thought almost makes me laugh. I am sure you are laughing at the image because it is something that you would do.

I wish I could see you more often Indigo, I wish there was something you or anyone could do, to help me through all of this. The war is bringing me down, and I know that Dumbledore says we are doing everything we are able to, but I feel like we are missing a piece of the puzzle, that he isn't showing us the entire picture. 

I hope you and the boys are well, and that I will be able to see you all soon. I want you to remember to take care of yourself and not to always put others needs before your own. I think even the best of us can forget that sometimes. Hopefully, I will see you again soon.

N.T.'

***

Over two thousand kilometres away, in the extravagant Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix Lestrange sat across from her sister, whom once again was weeping about the incarceration of her husband, and Rodolphus Lestrange, a man she hardly saw any interest anymore. The one good thing he seemingly provided her with had been nothing but a disappointment since it had been born a daughter rather than a son.