Twisted (Charlie Weasley)

Chapter Forty-Four

Once, a long time ago, I had thought I had felt the worst pain imaginable. That I had experienced the worst day of my life and that there was nothing that could top that day. I had thought that that cool fall day back in 1981 had been as bad as it could have been, seeing my father dragged off my the Aurors, hearing my mother cursing as I had never heard her before. I thought that would have been the last of bad days in my life, because really what else could have gone so wrong in my life. Back in those days, there were no other people I truly cared for, or who I felt truly cared for me. Those were the naive thoughts of a child. A child who hadn't even begun to realize what anything in the world was really like, and I thought I was doomed to be like that until everything changed.

For years I was beyond grateful for the changes that did occur in my life in the years to come. The changes that made me realize that there were still good things out there for me. These things all lead me to my true love and fiance Charlie, and what brought me my son Arthur. None of these things came from luck, they came from the nurturing of my aunt and uncle who took me in when I thought no one else ever would. They are the reason that I now know that I didn't experience the worst day of my life back in 1981, that there was still horrible heartache to come... and that is now. 

The moment I heard Remus' voice and the news he carried the world seemed to go still. It was one of those things that don't seem real, my uncle who was young and strong and real was now just a memory. A story I would end up telling my son as he grew older, a man he likely wouldn't even remember. It was one of those moments that for a second, just did not seem to exist. I didn't know whether to seek out people to comfort, or to break down, or to call bull shite because there was no way such a thing could be true. My uncle Ted was alive. My uncle Ted must have been confused with some other poor soul out there. Edward Tonks is strong. Edward Tonks is a good man. Edward Tonks is a fighter until the very end... and all of these things were true. Just as true as the fact that Edward Tonks is dead. 

"Dead..."

The word trickled out of my mouth like a leaky faucet. Sweat formed on my forehead, and in a way, it felt like my entire body was suddenly crying... and it was in that moment that I realized that tears were streaming like a shower from my eyes. I went to wipe my tears away but felt my arms held down by the shaking frame of Charlie holding me back. He too was crying, and at that moment I wasn't sure I had ever seen him cry before. Not like this at least. Charlie had lost a member of his family now I realized. He felt the same way about my aunt and uncle that I felt about his family, his brothers and his sister and his parents had become my own. 

"Mummy sad?" The small voice of Artie sounded out, I hadn't even thought for a moment about our small son. I couldn't even begin to fathom how to tell him what had happened, how he would never see his Pappy again. A child his age, would he understand death? I knew he understood that something was going on in the world. That we had stopped going home so often, that there was a reason why we weren't going back to England anymore, why he didn't see his family and why we were so stressed. I knew he saw those things, but I had tried my hardest to put on a brave face for my son. A brave face that was torn down in only a matter of seconds by only a few short words.

"We will go back." 

Charlie's words caught me off guard, and as he spoke them he slowly released his hold on me and reached down to pick up our confused son. He placed a tender kiss on my forehead and then one on the forehead of our son. 

"It's okay to cry." He said gently as I attempted to compose myself, "You have been putting on such a brave face over the past few months when I have struggled to even get up some mornings... but Indigo, you need to let these emotions out. The man who raised you for most of your teenage years is gone... and you need to process that. I will watch Art and pack up our bags... you just need to sit and let it out."