Finding Contentus

Chapter 9: Sauntering Telling

The trickling sounds of the rain from the previous stormy night could be heard, as the faint signal of dawn soon broke through the dimly lit cave.

Renero was the first to wake up from the long night, slowly and not abruptly, gently moving to a sitting position. As he moved to sit up however, he felt a firm grip on his arm, to which he looked over to see such a grip belonging to his daughter Neosa.

He looked on with childlike eyes filled with curiosity and wonder, watching his daughter sleep right next to him, as well as feeling his son's gentle breathing on his other side.

It was then that a thought occurred to him. When was the last time I... slept so—

But just as he had that thought, he took a closer look at his children. The small rays of the faint light creaked over them to reveal their small faces to him, and such a reveal immediately sent his heart sinking like it was shot from the sky. For what he saw, were tears.

Tears that had streamed down their faces while they had been sleeping. Tears that never faded even after they felt so emotionally exhausted over everything that had happened.

Tears that never ceased to pour down like the pouring rain. Tears that served as a cruel reminder. Tears, that despite Renero's presence, he simply could not stop, for they tore their way inside his soul, causing his spirit to leak like a lion that had lost its pride, it's kingdom, its strength.

Renero stared at them, helpless. And here I thought that maybe they'd already let everything out in the rain. Even now they continue to suffer.

At the same time, this was no surprise to him at all. How could it be? One did not simply get over losing their entire race of people, and most importantly, their family. After all...

Despite all the shit I spew out about moving on, the sorrows in my heart have run so deep within me over the years that it's almost as though I've become numb to it all. And yet... it still hurts. It hurts so damn much that I still don't know how I've even managed for so long. Time heals all wounds? Nonsense. Rubbish. If that was the case then I'd be pretty damn healed right fucking now.

Renero sighed.

No. Time only serves to leave behind permanent scars that one has to live with everyday of their lives until their deaths. It would be more accurate to say that time doesn't heal all wounds. It simply lengthens them, stretches them like oversized limbs, breaking the bones from their sockets, and it's up to how strong the person is to see how they manage to live with that unrelenting pain. Even if they become desensitized overtime.

Just as he had one of the most peaceful nights of sleep in years with them finally by his side, they had the most tragic one. No, what am I saying, that wasn't a peaceful sleep. The more accurate thing to say was when did I sleep so easily without a sedative potion?

That's when Banti came back in his mind. They mentioned how she kept waiting for him every single day. Hoping and praying that he would return. And likewise he spent all those years wandering around Constantia, aimlessly, searching all alone. Hoping and praying that he could return back to her. Back to all of them.

Renero sighed at how cruel fate seemed to be, as though toying with them all.

I wonder if it was the same for you Banti. Did you sleep more easily with these two by your side? Maybe that's it. After all, I may say shit like "Oh, look at me, I can do this and I did this all by myself." But the truth is...

I...

I'm absolutely terrified of being alone. I've been in an inescapable pit of loneliness for so long. And these two...