Finding Contentus

Chapter 53: Post Traumatic Healing

Genesia and Kakara sat there in a silence that stretched like a dismembered body dragged across rocky grounds under the ocean floor. The moon still hid Kakara's scarred face, and her hair fell down like it instinctively knew to hide her expression.

It didn't even seem like she was breathing anymore. Her excessive tears didn't seem like she was crying either. They just... rained down like how rain does. Naturally, not out of sadness or grief, but out of necessity for expulsion.

Kakara herself wasn't crying, her body was, and she was just a container that watched the flow without being able to stop the flow. She didn't even try to stop it. All she could do was let it happen. Let... it happen, without control, at mercy to her own trauma, submissive to her own trauma, weak to her own trauma and—

Non. Kakara wasn't weak. She wasn't some weak ass bitch. She was a strong ass bitch that gained her control, her dominance, her strength and power back every time it got taken from her.

"Hmph." She sniffed. "Guess I should be glad that he didn't rape me like his father raped him, at least."

Genesia clutched his heart so strongly she was sure he was going to stop it from beating. Actually, it looked like he wanted to stop it from beating altogether. To make the throbbing stop. The aching stop. The pain stop. To not feel anything. To conceal everything. To be numb to everything.

Yet at the same time, he looked like he was doing his best to keep his heart beating. To gain from the throbbing. To gain from the aching. To gain from the pain. To gain from the feeling. To not conceal the feeling. To feel everything. Sharing was caring after all, and he was strongly adamant on sharing Kakara's pain.

Loud snapping cracks of the fingers, wrists and elbows struck the night. Kakara flinched at the sounds and how Genesia held his hands together, trembling with so much—

It wasn't even rage. It was beyond that. It was something that didn't have a term or a name. If the moon directed the tides, Kakara was sure that whatever Genesia was feeling could very well direct the tides of the ocean to drown and cause a mass extinction of all evil in the world.

The fact that she still couldn't see his face made things that much more scary to look at, especially when he started hyperventilating. His hands made a monstrous crushing motion at something invisible that Kakara—

Could see it. She could hear it. The sound, the terrible image of Genesia crushing someone's skull for hurting her, for causing her pain.

The next moment happened so fast that Kakara didn't have enough time to follow Genesia's balled fist that was raised in a perfect position to slam down into the ground and break it for them to fall. But he stopped himself at the last moment. His other hand held his fist, barely touching the ground.

He was fighting against himself. He was battling against himself. He was at war with himself. A war to not let his monstrous emotions consume him and devour him whole. He had to be the one in control over them. He had to absorb the rage and pain and consume it for himself. He had to direct it the right way, not the wrong way.

Kakara's pain was suffocating him. He forgot his own identity. He forgot his own ideology. He forgot his own principles. All he thought about in that one moment was hunting things. Killing things. Slaughtering anything that moved.

He knew that wouldn't do anything for Kakara. That wouldn't help Kakara. That wouldn't cure her, it would only hurt her more. It would only kill him a thousand times over for the rest of his life.

That single moment of blackened blankness terrified him as he slowly let his hands down into a submissive position on the ground. His head was lowered even more and he became motionless to look like a slumping tree with its long vines hanging down in the form of his hair.