Finding Contentus

Chapter 40: Stray Symptoms

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"I need you. I need you. I need you so much."

Desperate, urgent, frantic and dire pleadings echoed around his surroundings to surround him in a confined space of plight and helplessness.

"I'm nothing without you. Nothing. Without you I'm nothing."

The voice continued to plead in a feverish beseeching of self destruction regarding its pitiful lack of human life, value and worth to emphasize, key word, emphasize, the need for something else that had great value, worth, and life. Something else that was everything.

Him. Only him. No one else but him. Just him, with just her.

He hitched in horror at the sound of her, the look of her, the feel of her, the smell of her. He tried to scream, he actually tried to, but his open mouth failed to produce the discernible pleas that would snap her out of this moment of madness in which she wasn't herself.

At all.

This isn't real. It's not you. You wouldn't do this to me.

All he could do was convince himself of the truth with wide eyes of petrified shock and terror. Yes, this wasn't real in what he was thinking. Unfortunately, what was real and what was not was completely irrelevant in the predicament he was in that he couldn't escape from.

"Don't leave me, don't ever leave me. Don't you dare ever leave me like the rest."

Those words pleaded for him to resist his struggles, to resist his fighting, to resist his squirming, to resist his shaking arms, to resist... everything, for her to do... everything, with him.

How could he say no when she pleaded so achingly like a child that it actually hurt him more to refuse what she needed? How could he leave her when she had no one else and he had no one else but her? How could he try getting off her when the truth was...

He couldn't move against her grip in fear of hurting her more than she was hurting him, more than she already was hurt and hurting. Theoretically and practically he had all the strength to do so. There was only one problem with that...

He wasn't in the right state of mind, and neither was she. He couldn't find the mental strength to get her off him through physical means.

He tried time and time again, his mind kept beckoning for him to do something, to avoid the unpleasant experience he was about to embark on that would leave him ruined and psychologically scarred for the rest of his life.

But...

He looked up at her, defenseless, afraid — no, horrified, paralyzed and reduced to tears that shook his very core.

Like the beating heart that she pounced on as though she were a wild wolf, searching for its scrumptious meat and source the whole time with what it needed from him. What it was aching to get from him, unwilling to share with other wolves except herself.

"You need love don't you? You're craving for love aren't you? You need love in your life, am I wrong?"

Even with the loss of his voice, he couldn't answer. He kept sobbing quietly, letting it all happen, not knowing what to do except hoping for the moment of harassment to pass. For everything to just fade away like the night that seemed to be taking its sweet, dreadful time, more than any other night.

It was then that he realized once she slapped his face and held his throat with one hand, strangling him, that this night was not going to go away like she wasn't going to go away for some time.

This particular slap stung more than any kind of sting he could recall or think of for multiple reasons. One of which was again the fact that he had the power to stop this red slap that made his face burn and tear, but felt powerless to stop anything other than taking it.