Finding Contentus

Chapter 79: The Things We Do For Power (2)

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Although Ramela's body was getting healed and rejuvenated for her revival on the outside, her brain was at war with itself in its perpetual state of death and ravaging dismissal.

For a over a year, she was healed in her mummy tomb, and during that entire time period, her mind was tortured and cursed to suffer inside a Hell Cell for an eternity, similar to the one Ra-mon was sentenced to by Pharaoh Atum when he failed to become Pharaoh the first time.

Inside the hell cell, Ramela was rendered with just three abilities.

Screaming, wailing and crying.

She wasn't just driven to insanity, she was driven past insanity, beyond insanity, beyond being dead and alive and beyond experiencing a level of comprehensible pain that had become far too abstract to conceptualize.

It was the price her father made her pay for not listening to her, and the lesson he made her learn for ignoring his teachings. She got destroyed timelessly through the ocean of the scorching desert that seared her skin, burnt her flesh, and disintegrated her bones into dust.

Cockroaches crawled inside all the nine openings in her body. Rats devoured her body and infected her with all kinds of atrocious diseases that would never be cured like the primal gene, without end.

She bled, and bled and bled like a river that flooded the entire population.

And what could she do inside the prison of her own mind? The cell of hell that had no hope?

Nothing.

She could do nothing but take, receive and bear the ascending pain that spiked sharply without rest. Some days, weeks, or months, or years, or decades, or centuries, or however much time passed, she became a mute, and gave up on crying when there was no point. It was meaningless. Everything was meaningless.

Why am I still alive? She really wanted to know. Why am I not dead? Is this how Ramsis felt? Oh... I see now. I see all too clearly. You wanted me to curse you, isn't that right akhuya? You wanted to die more than anything in the world. You wanted to join Māma. You wanted to join your perfect Kami. You wanted to join your three pots of gold, our three pots of gold.

I understand now. I want to join them all too. I would give anything to. At least they aren't suffering. At least they're happy. It's funny how we're taught to fear death when life is to be feared more than peace and pain. It's really... really...

Ramela's glare was frightening.

Funny? No no. It's disgusting. It's sick. It's fucked. I hate it. I hate being hated by the world. I hate fighting against the world. I hate the world for conspiring against me. I want to be free of this pain. I want to get out. I'm tired of screaming like this. I'm tired of crying like this. I'm tired of being fucked like this. How long has it been? Where's Musa? Where's Ramiya? Where's Bāba? Where's Ramoth?

Silence from the sand dunes.

Ramoth. They got him. They fucked with him too! How dare they make me impure! How dare they defile me! How dare they—

No audience.

Oh. What's even the point? It doesn't even matter. Nothing matters in my life. This is my fate. No. This has always been my fate, my destiny. Enslaved like this with an actual cell of hell instead of a false palace of heaven.

She still asked the same questions.

Why am I to curse for Bābas sins? I'm not Ra! I'M RAMELA! I never chose to be his daughter! Is everything my fault? You think I wanted to be on the side of tyranny? You think I chose this life? I didn't! I never had a choice! I wanted to change things! I wanted to plan things out for the future for all our people! And you fucking Shona's and Indians ruined everything for me! La! You fucking cockroaches and rats just had to place all of that sinful weight on me? The Reigning Whore? Is that so?