My Ruin

20. Fuck Self-Control

Ashanti's POV

4 weeks later...

"Yes, sir. I will get these papers to you as soon as possible," I spoke as I made my way back to my desk.

I had gotten a new job since my graduation. It was way better pay than my old job, I had more time on my hands, and I was more qualified than anyone in my department, which is why I'm the right-hand woman for the boss.

The perks of knowing the family business in-and-out really paid off and I guess I should thank my parents.

I had a much better outlook on life and I finally had a peace of mind with what happened between Lamonte and I.

It wasn't my fault and it wasn't his fault. We were just toxic for one another and I've come to terms with that.

I hadn't spoken to him or seen him in three months, but I heard he hasn't been doing very well.

By heard, I mean his brother told me.

He has been drowning himself in work, he's not answering any calls, and he's isolating himself from everyone.

Ajax thinks that if I talk to him it'll get him back on track.

I just don't know if I should go back to that. What if I see him and it just triggers everything that I've buried deep down?

"Please, Ashanti," he begged.

"Ajax, I just don't think it's a good idea to see him again," I voiced my thoughts.

"You just have to see him once and talk to him. I won't ask you for anything else," he pleaded with me.

I didn't want Lamonte to ruin his life and Ajax seemed really worried about his brother.
I shrugged, "Fine."

"Thank you so much," he said with a wide boyish grin displayed on his face. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he left the house.

I rolled my eyes and got ready to go see him.
If I was going to see him for the first time in three months, I was going to look drop dead gorgeous.

He was going to see the mistake that he made when he cheated on me.

I did a once over in the mirror and took a deep breath.

I was wearing a red two-piece, paired with red open-toed heels, my hair was curled cascading down my back and makeup was on point.

I was ready to see the son of a bitch who broke my heart into a million pieces.

The car ride to his house seemed to be so much quicker than usual, but that was only because I was dreading the fuck out of it.

I got out of the car and rang the doorbell, there was no answer.

I waited for a few minutes before I began pounding on the door.

I dialed his number and he picked up the phone with a hoarse voice filled with surprise.

"Ashanti," he breathed my name as he did all those times before to make every nerve in my body tingle in response.

"Open the door," I spoke.

In less than a minute, he opened the door and we were face-to-face once again.

I took a deep breath before I came into the house.

He looked a mess.

His hair was tousled, he usually had his waves but his hair had grown out. He had a beard and a mustache now. He looked so skinny and he had these terrible bags under his eyes.

He was staring at me as if I wasn't real.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Ashanti, I missed you so much," he said which sounded as if he was being sincere.

"I— I came here to help you get your life on track, not to get back together with you. Lamonte, you need to move on with your life. I was obviously not what you needed, we were toxic for one another and I think deep down you knew it too. You said you didn't want a relationship and I forced you into one. I should've respected your wishes and left then and there," I spoke quickly.

"We were never toxic for one another. I just couldn't love you the way you wanted me to and now I'm ready for you. I need you more than anything in this world, Ashanti. My life has been a complete mess since you left. I know that you can see that, I mean look at me. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't even bother to do anything but work to forget about you. I'm losing my mind and you're the only that can give me my sanity back," he beckoned as he stepped closer to me.

My heart rate went up and my breathing turned into panting as I realized how close his body was to mine. It was like I couldn't breathe and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I stepped away from him and made my way to the door.

I didn't know what else to say, I tried my best to help him move on.

"Ashanti, please don't leave," he spoke his voice cracking.

I turned around to face him and I could see his eyes pooling with tears. I didn't want to cause him pain and seeing him like this hurt me in unexplainable ways.

Meanwhile, I shouldn't even be feeling this way. He did more than hurt me, he broke me.

Control yourself.

Pull it together...

Control your—

"Fuck self-control," I whispered under my breath.

I ran into his arms and pressed my lips against his, devouring his mouth.

I ripped off his shirt as buttons fell to the floor. I never let my lips leave his and I couldn't will myself to stop.

We were both naked before we even got upstairs to his bedroom. It was all a haze, but I knew we were in his room because his familiar scent clouded my senses.

I moaned in his mouth not being able to stop myself.

He began to kiss on my neck and his body begging me to give him more. I tilted my head to give him more access as my fingers curled up in his hair.

He kissed down my body and lips latched onto my clit.

"Holy shit!," I said in surprise while he smirked up at me.

I came over and over again in his mouth, but he didn't come up even for a second. I bit my lip to stifle the moans, but it still came out as a whimper which drove him more crazy.

I pushed him onto the bed so that I was on top of him and then my lips travelled down.

My tongue swirled around the tip of his dick as he stared down at me.

He held my hair back with his hands and I did exactly what he had taught me. I didn't let up until he came in my mouth and I swallowed him completely. I wanted to pleasure him in any way that I could.

He sat up against the headboard and pulled me in his lap. He entered me so slowly as he watched me react to him being inside me again.

I couldn't help but moan as he began to stroke me.

He bit my earlobe softly and he made his way to my neck as he pounded me over and over again.

"I missed you so much," I couldn't help but let out.

"God, I love you," he groaned.

I thought I misheard him, so I just let it float over my head.

He came in me over and over again. I bit my lip as I felt his dick pulsate in me for the third time tonight.

I collapsed next to him as both of our heavy breathing fill the room.

_____