101: The One With Severe Trauma

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TONI POV:

"I love you." Cheryl whispers. I stop drinking my milkshake. "What?" I look at her. "I love you." She whispers again. "Yeah." I smile awkwardly and panicking. I look at her. She just looks down. "Sorry. I'm not- I can't. I'm sorry." I pull away. "It's ok." I whisper. "No it's not. I do I just- I can't say it." I look down awkwardly. I get up and walk out. "Toni." Cheryl follows me. "Toni talk to me." She rubs my cheek. "I can't." I whisper. "I know. I shouldn't have said it. But I do love you! I know you don't want to hear it or say it." Cheryl tells me. "I know it's hard for you to say." I look up at her. "I'm sorry. It's just my mom and everything..." I trail off. "What about your mom?" She ask concerned. "One trauma at a time." I whisper. "Let's get you home." We walk to Thistle house, we walk upstairs and she lies me down.

"It's hard for me. After my mom died. I haven't had someone say that to me since my mom died." I whisper. "Is that also why you..." I nod. "I haven't figured out how to deal with my feelings." I drink my water. We were sitting in the kitchen at the table. "I drank them away, got high." I whisper. "I'm sorry." She takes my hand. "Don't be. You weren't the person who killed my mom." I hold back tears. "Toni." She sit next to me and pulls me into a hug as I cry into her. "When did she die? You never talk about it." She ask quietly. "Last year." I whisper. She sits back. "I know very fast to hit rock bottom." I look down. "Have you talked to anyone?" I shake my head. "No."

"I can't." Cheryl stops me. "This is the support you need." She whispers to me. "You must be Toni. We were expecting you." A woman from the group of people walks over to me. "I'm Sarah." I nod. "Ok." Cheryl rubs my back. "It's ok." She whispers. "I'll be outside." Cheryl walks out. "So let's sit down and get to know each other." Sarah tells me. I nod and sit down. "I'm Antoinette. But I don't let anyone call me that. Everyone calls me Toni." I say awkwardly. "My mom died June of last year. That caused me to go on a downward spiral." I take a deep breath. "Well what do you mean?" Sarah ask. "I have a unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol. I was in the hospital for a month because I over doused." I whisper. "I still revert back sometimes." Like right now. I'm not sober. I haven't been in six months. Some other people talk and everyone leaves. "Toni." Cheryl stands up. "How was it?" She ask quietly. "Fine. Can we talk? When we get home." She nods.

CHERYL POV:

I walk into the bedroom. It's been a few days since she came clean about everything. She's going through a really bad withdrawal. I sit in front of her. "I'm sorry." She whispers. "Don't be." I move hair out of her face. I kiss her cheek. "I need to go back to rehab." She whispers. "Ok."

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