(21) Torn

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I was feeling a lot of emotions

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I was feeling a lot of emotions.

My body felt like jelly, my knees were knocking together, my arms were limp at my side and my eyes were wide, aching from my hard gaze. Yet despite this softness, I still felt my blood boil at seeing him, my knuckles tightened and my teeth clenched together harshly.

My mind and body were torn.

A part of me felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders, like this moment was the first time I'd felt light in forever, yet the other part of me felt heavy and trapped, as if I was stuck underwater, fighting against the tides, slowly drowning in my own pain.

I also felt sick.

My stomach was wringing and writhing within me, somersaulting my organs into what felt like a large and stiff bolder of unease and bile, my hands were sweaty and I could feel the dryness in my mouth, harsh against my gums like sand paper.

This wasn't what I had anticipated, I don't think this was what I wanted either. Yet as my mind and heart fought over what was right and wrong, I involuntarily found my body stepping forwards, my mouth gulping down the drought in my throat as my eyes finally lifted from the dirt of the ground, up to the eyes of Alec.

"Alec, what- what are you doing here?"

He remined silent, his eyes appeared cold and empty, and his face was void of any emotion, like he wasn't really there. The silence continued, he remained staring aimlessly into my soul and I felt the bile raise up my throat, tears sting at my eyes and my heart burn in ache.

What the hell was wrong with him?

"You don't have anything to say!?" I cry out, my arms now wrapping comfortingly around myself as I step back, bewilderment and anger written across my face, the betrayal at his insincerity showing.

Though it really did look like he could care less.

"Camilla, where is the cup?" He hoarsely asks, his movement barely faltering.

The cup?

My eyes snap up at him, a scoff escaping my lips as I scowl across at Alec. "The cup? You came here to ask me about some fucking cup that I don't have?!" I cry, my anger beginning to bubble over as I roar out with rage, my body unknowingly stepping closer and closer, my arms swinging carelessly besides me.

"Camilla, this is important, I don't have time, where is the cup? Where might your mother have put it? I need you to think" He said harshly, stepping forwards and grabbing my hand, his grip tighter than usual, showcasing the callousness of them.

What the hell was wrong with him?

"Alec, you know that I don't have the cup... I didn't even know what the cup was until a while ago!" I say harshly, my hand simultaneously ripping from his grip. I step further, my mind spinning as I stare at Alec. My hand was also now rubbing at the spot on my wrist where Alec had grabbed me, the harshness of his grip had bruised it rather painfully.

Belonging | Alec LightwoodWhere stories live. Discover now