Ex Pen Pals || michael clifford

0.5

26th October, 2011

Abigail bloody Evans,

Is it such a bad thing that I want to see what you look like? For all I know you could be the one who’s 45 and masturbates in your basement. You bring that up way too much and now I’m starting to get worried. To ease your nerves; I’m sending you a picture of me. Please, try not to become so filled with desire that you’ll feel the need to walk over to Australia and have your way with me. I'm normally dominant but I could bend the rules a little for you.

You seem pretty bossy with all those rules. And my hair looks awesome just the way it is. Who died and made you queen of the ladder of awesomeness?

Also, since you insist and made quite a big deal about it…

I want to sing and play guitar till the day I die; it’s the only thing I’m good at really. And if you must know, it is the secret weapon that is going to get me laid (hopefully by a girl in every country I perform in). My singing voice is like butter and if you had Facebook I could send you a video. You could give me your email, or your Skype. I really want to see what you look like. Or, just your email because I hate writing.

Australian high school trumps American high school because we don’t have to wait until we’re 14 to start high school. We start in Year 7 which I guess may be Grade 7 for you. I don’t know, you guys are so complicated. I mean; why do you guys leave the letter ‘u’ out of your words? Do Americans have a vendetta against the letter ‘u’? I never really got that. You make words like honoUr, coloUr and favoUrite look naked. 

I have friends. This guy named Calum, he goes to my school and together we’re called losers because we like music and SpongeBob. But I don’t care. Calum and I hate Luke. I don’t know why we do but it’s something we can do together I guess. There’s also this guy Ashton but we’re not that close. He goes to another school and he’s a bit older than us. He’s weird and laughs way too much. He’s always so happy it’s annoying at times. I guess that’s why we’re not that close. That’s too much happy for me to deal with. Ashton is SpongeBob and I’m Squidward. You get the picture?

In this entire country, there are three cool places that I hang out; the video game store, my room and Calum’s room. And let me stop you right there; I didn’t mean it like that. Calum and I are very straight. I’ve told you before that I like boobs. I’m not too sure about Calum’s preference but I’m too busy staring at boobs to find out what it is.

With every letter you send you get weirder and weirder. Who likes orange? It’s the shittiest colour ever. And the fact that you watch drunk people have sex scares me. You can just use the internet and watch normal sober people have sex. Everyone’s doing it.

I love music too so we finally have something in common other than the fact that we’re both losers. And unlike you, I am awesome at sports. I play FIFA all the time.

You basically begged for what I’m about to ask:

When you say, any form of ball is your enemy, does that include the pair that comes on a boy? I’m being pretty serious here, this information is severely important.

You keep mentioning that you’re almost 16. When will you be 16? I’ll be 17 soon in case you wanted to know.

Another interesting factoid about me; I'm am ridiculously addicted to Nutella.

I don’t use YOLO because of a rapper. Me ending my letters in YOLO trumps peace because Michael Clifford (not no rapper) did it.

Yolo,

 Mikey.

---

I have to work tomorrow and idk if I'll be able to update so here ya go you lovely humans!!

And yes, I have to work on a Sunday but it's with cute wee little animals in a petting zoo so I'll be 'aww-ing' all day. 

Okay..  finally, Michael, i love you face.