Ex Pen Pals || michael clifford

2.8

22nd October, 2012

Cliff,

I'm really glad to see you’re happy Michael. That’s my only wish really; that you don’t slip back into that dark place. I'm glad that I'm a part of the reason you’re happy with life now and I will try my utmost best to keep you smiling.

You see Michael Gordon Clifford, I love you. So fucking much I can’t begin to put it into words. I don’t love that easily. I mean aside from my dad and We The Kings, there is nothing that I can say I genuinely love.

I would try and explain it, but I just can't. Like, it’s strange to think that I was an ass in my first letter because I was angry with the world and I just hated everything and everyone because I thought everyone hated me. But you didn’t hate me Michael. You didn’t hate me or judge me and for that, I'm eternally grateful.

What touched my heart was that after reading that first letter, anyone could tell I was a bitter, bitter person who only pushed people away. But you decided to write me back and I was like “maybe someone cares”.

Maybe someone cares even if they’re oceans away. I never, ever thought I’d fall in love with anyone; much less someone who isn’t even in my time zone. But Michael, somehow, you’ve managed to make me fall completely and totally in love with you in just a year’s worth of weird letters. You make me smile when I have literally no reason to. I literally have no reason to. My family is a fucking mess and I'm basically on my own.

But Michael...

You have no idea what you’ve done. Your weirdness, your annoying cockiness, every God damn thing about you is so fucking perfect (I'm passionate here Cliff, hence, the swearing). It’s so perfect and you literally have no idea how beautiful you are. I don’t keep writing out of pity to keep you alive. I keep writing because when you breathe, I breathe. When you smile, I smile (if you refer to Justin Bieber lyrics Michael, I will hurt you).

All I need to do is think of you and my day gets 100x better. I know I kid about hooking up with Ashton but we both know that would ever happen. It was probably why Justin didn’t work out either. My heart is already yours and no one deserves even a piece of it. Not even Justin and he was perfect. No one deserve a piece of my heart because all of it is reserved for you.

And that shit scares me. Being in love with someone that I’ve never met scares the shit out of me. But, I have nothing left here and even if I have to fly to Australia just so I can be near you I would. At this point I don’t even care if we don’t end up together. I just need to have you near me so I can make sure you stay happy.

Your happiness is directly linked to mine.

Okay, this is all too much but it needed to be said. I love you Cliff.

Give me the benefit of the doubt just this one time.

Peace,

Abigail Crystal Evans

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