Ex Pen Pals || michael clifford

4.5

“God! You are such a loser!” Abigail giggled as she tucked her legs under her. She was in pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt and she was currently on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn in her lap.

“I'm not a loser!” Michael whined without removing his eyes from the screen. After a long week of begging; he finally got Abigail to invite him over and he had to do a little extra begging to get her to watch Forrest Gump with him.

“This movie sucks some serious ass Michael. I mean, what the hell am I even looking at?” She asked stuffing some popcorn in her mouth.

“Excuse me? Forrest Gump is a classic!”

“Really? What would your fans think when they know the self proclaimed badass of the bad loves the movie Forrest Gump? I mean; this wrecks your whole punk rock thing.” She said handing him the bowl. He laughed and reached into the popcorn bowl. He took out popped a few in his mouth. When he was done he sprinkled his hand over the bowl.

“Gross!” Abigail whined scowling at putting the bowl on the coffee table.

“It makes them want me more. The fact that I have a sensitive side that will make them love me even more.” He smirked as he leaned over to the coffee table to get some more popcorn. They watched the rest of the movie in silence and when it’s done Michael turned and smiled at Abigail.

“Tell me you loved that!” He demanded and she scowled and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Didn’t you read my letters? I hate those kinds of stuff.”

“Speaking of letters...” Michael said reaching into his back pocket to pull out a folded envelope. “I have this and I want you to read it to me.”

Abigail’s eyes widened and she groaned. She really thought they were over this letter thing. The last thing she wanted to do was rake up any more old feelings. “Mic-”

“Please? This is the third one. I won’t even open the other one. I knew we talked about it and everything but I just need to know what it says. This is the last one I'm gonna read because I don’t think I can handle finding out anymore secrets.” Michael explained giving her a small smile and holding the letter out to her.

Abigail collected the letter and sighed. She said a silent prayer as she hoped it wasn’t the letter she thought it was; the one letter that she really hoped he won’t read, not ever. She had to find a way to get it back but she knew that was just wishful thinking. She tore the envelope and pulled the letter out. Se unfolded the paper and sighed in relief when she saw it wasn’t the letter she was worried about. “Dear Michael, it’s bee-”

“Wait; come closer.” Michael said tugging on her hand. He pulled her closer and fit her between his legs. He wrapped both his arms around her waist and placed his chin on the top of her head. “Good, now you can continue.” He whispered giving her a little squeeze.

She cleared her throat and looked at the paper. “Dear Michael, it’s been a few months but there’s still a part of me that secretly hopes you’re alive. There is a part of me... actually; all of me need you to be alive. I don’t want to believe that you let it get to you. You had me Michael; I mean; wasn’t I enough to make you want to stick around? You told me I was. Why would you say that if it wasn’t true? I really, really hope you just got bored of me and decided not to write again because as much as that would hurt, I’d rather you not be dead. It’s been hard for me too you know. I actually wrote you a letter once but I was too scared to send it. And now that you’re not replying, I think all those feelings are beginning to come back and I don’t think I want to fight it off anymore. I don’t want to silence the voices in my head because for the first time; I believe everything they’re saying to me. I literally have nothing to live for anymore. Everything is falling apart and all I can do is stand and watch the pieces fall through my fingers like grains of sand. I'm graduating school soon so if you do decide to write let me know soon so I can give you my address. It’s a shot in the dark but it’s worth it. I don’t even think writing a long letter makes sense anymore because I know you’re not going to write back. I regret not telling you exactly what you mean to me. I tried in that one letter but it wasn’t enough. That letter didn’t even begin to explain exactly what you mean to me. We saved each other Michael. That’s a deeper kind of relationship and now I'm trying to hold on to memories to keep me sane. I keep reading and rereading your letters but old words are not healing my fresh wounds. I need something else and nothing I'm trying is working because it isn’t coming from you. I'm going to sound like a selfish bitch but you were really stupid for pulling a stunt like that. I mean; I kept myself alive for you. The least you could’ve done was stay alive for me. I don’t think I can keep my head above the water anymore and I don’t think I even want to try. The shitty thing is that I still love you. Love, Abby.”