LUCAS
Lucas sat up in the dark, shivering against the cold that brushed his skin after he pushed the blanket off himself. He rubbed his hands over his face, pulling his skin back and then pushing it forward, pressing his hands harder until it hurt. He took a deep, shuddering breath, crossing his arms across his bare chest, gripping his shoulders. He closed his eyes, taking in heavy breaths, his fingers gently, absentmindedly squeezing his skin.
He'd gotten a message from his mother earlier that day. A message about how she loves him and God loves him. He'd sent back that he loves her too.
He didn't know how else to respond. Or what she expected. Maybe that he loved God. Maybe she expected a bible verse sent back to her.
Lucas let go of himself, rubbed his face again, and looked around, his eyes straining in the darkness, seeing only slivers of the white blanket on his bed in the light from the gaps in the curtain. He leaned to her right, throwing his hand onto the bedside table and feeling around for his phone. When he grabbed it, he lifted it and turned it on, flinching away from the sudden white light, and turned down the brightness.
He pulled up his text messages. Opened the messages from his mother.
I love you, my darling boy. God is taking care of
you. He and I will always be here.
I love you too, mama.
He stared at the screen and pressed his lips together. Twisted his mouth to the side. Squeezed his eyes shut for a short second.
He dropped his phone to his lap and looked at the ceiling, rolling his eyes at himself. His eyes shut and his phone shut off and he felt himself drift.
And then he pulled his head upright on his neck, opened his phone again, and swiped to his inbox.
No new messages.
None from Kes. None from Isa. None from Jayden. He'd spoken to them while he was in Antwerp, but not as much as expected. Not as much as he'd hoped.
No new messages from Jens. Lucas's finger hovered over Jens's name, thinking about opening the messages and reading them. Again.
But he didn't.
Instead, he closed the app and made his way to his photos. He opened the screenshot of Jens he had taken off his Instagram.
He stared.
And stared.
At Jens's serious eyes. His brows pulled together. His slightly chapped lips. His cheekbones, and jawline.
Lucas shut his phone off abruptly and tossed it onto the bedside table loudly. The sound startled him, and his shoulders and heartbeat both went up.
It took him a second before his heartbeat slowed, and he made his shoulders drop.
He rubbed his face again, this time rubbing his forehead harshly with the bottom of his palm, and then the back of his hand, yawning. His eyes flickered as he lowered himself beneath the covers, the comforter cold against his skin.
As he drifted off, he realized he never got the photos he and Jens had taken in the skatepark.
He didn't have a single photo of them together.
It was like they never happened.
YOU ARE READING
Starstruck (the Idea of Always)
Fanfiction"Just let me." Jens's voice was all he could hear. "Let me love you." Lucas let him.
