Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Woensdag 11:28

tw//internalised homophobia, religion
Lucas
Lucas sat on his bed, the crisp white sheets and blankets folding around him. His laptop sat in front of him, his homework open, the screen dim. He wasn't doing his homework.

He had almost finished it when his brain became too tired when all he could do was lay back and close his eyes, not even able to open his phone and pull up Instagram or text Kes.

Jens hadn't messaged him anymore. He missed him a lot, even just the short, one-word messages he'd gotten from him. But he especially missed seeing him. Looking at him. The way his eyes shone in the sun. The way his lips stretched into smiles.

He knew it sounded like a shitty romance film, knowing someone for just two weeks and falling this hard. But the way Jens made him feel...

It was bound to happen one way or another.

It was like they were star-crossed.

With his eyes closed and his hands folded in his lap, Lucas remembered one of the conversations they'd had on one of their dates about parallel universes. He wondered if maybe there was a universe when Lucas didn't hurt Jens. Where they stayed together.

Maybe there was a universe where Lucas was okay, too.

There was a knock at Lucas's door and he sighed before swinging his legs off the bed to answer it.

"I'm going to get lunch with Milan, you coming?"

Lucas stared at Ralph for a second before answering.

"No, I've got—homework."

Ralph raised his eyebrows and looked over Lucas's shoulder, at his bed, his nest of blankets,
and his laptop screen glowing.

"No Jens today?"

"No." Lucas was tempted to shut the door in his face.

"Okay, well, I'll bring you something. Call if you need anything, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ralph gave him a little smile before turning on his heel and making his way down the hall, a little bounce in his step.

Lucas turned and shut the door behind him, huffing lightly and closing his eyes as he pressed his back to the door, letting his head thump against it. He was trying to avoid thinking about Jens. He'd stayed off of Instagram, avoiding Jens's account and Robbe's and the others' accounts. He'd tried to focus only on his homework, the only tabs open on his laptop being Spotify, Google, and his email.

It sucked.

As he dropped himself onto his bed and covered his legs with the blankets, his phone buzzed. The world hollowed out and he stared at the screen, the phone too far away at the end of his bed for him to read it. Then he reached over his laptop and grabbed it, quickly holding it up to read it.

A message from his mother.

Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God in them. - Ephesians 4:2
I love you, my boy

He sighed and rubbed his cheek, looking up at the ceiling, before writing back.

I love you too mama

He shut off his phone and set it on his bedside table, looking back at his laptop to work more. The screen was too bright, but he didn't fix it.

Instead, he stared blankly at the words in his essay, not comprehending a single thing.

He stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Until finally, he slammed the laptop shut and dropped it to the floor, on top of his school bag. After making sure it wasn't directly on the floor, Lucas lauded on his back, his legs still crossed, and closed his eyes.

Whoever lives in love, lives in God.