Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Zaterdag 12:19

trigger warning // some slight homophobic speech
JENS
You're coming over still, right?

Jens smiled at the message from Lucas. They had made plans to hang out, or make out, at Lucas's hotel room, and Lucas had checked in with him, now for the third time.

Yes of course

He grabbed his jacket off his door handle and began to make his way to the front door before his mother called out to him.

"Wait, Jens, phone!" She appeared out of the living room, looking stressed and kind of upset. Jens's brows furrowed at her, his chin dipping slightly, asking what was wrong. She shook her head and held out a finger. Just a second.

Jens pulled his phone back out of his pocket and sent Lucas another message.

I might be a bit late
there's suddenly a phone call that's demanding
my attention

Lucas responded quickly.

that's okay! I'll work on homework in the meantime
text me when you're on your way :)

Mama held the phone out for Jens. Jens looked at her carefully before taking it. Her nostrils were flared, her bottom lip quivering, her hands shaking.

"Mama..."

She shook her head again, and waved the phone at him, turning away. He took it and slowly raised it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello, son." The voice was deep and gravelly, the same voice that had yelled at him, cursed at him, that had made him feel like utter shit for so long. The same voice that would try to have screaming matches with Mama, even though she always diffused the situation, even though she would leave the room. The same voice Jens would hear through the walls at night complaining about how much of a burden he was, how much of a burden it was to care for a child, and eventually how much of a burden Lotte was. The same voice that called Jens names, names that he still remembered, still heard. Names that Jens called himself as he tried to hide.

His father.

"Fucking hell." Jens turned away from his mother and went back into his room with the phone. "What do you want?" he asked, shutting the door behind himself.

He hadn't heard from his father in a long time, in years. He'd left soon after Lotte was born. After he'd just had a baby. He'd left Mama to take care of both of them, left Jens to grow up too fast so he could care for them.

"I just wanted to talk to you. Wish you a happy birthday. "

"Whatever. How many birthdays have you missed? Without a fucking call or letter? Or—"

"Jens, I know it's been a while—"

"You make it sound like we haven't seen each other in a few days. Or like you lost your internet and haven't been able to send us an email." Jens's heart was beating fast. He could feel it in his chest, a sign that he was about to lose his temper. "You didn't. You didn't send us any emails, any letters, you never called on our birthdays, or when Lotte started school, or when I started high school. You never did anything. Why should I have to listen to you now, why should I want to talk to you now?"