Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Dinsdag 17:26

JENS
"You never told me what happened on Sunday," Jens said, propping his chin on his palm. He was laying on his stomach, his phone set against the headboard of his bed.

"What are you talking about?" He watched Lucas twist his back slightly before laying flat again. He and Lucas were mirroring each other, their positions the exact same, across busy streets, across the whole city.

"At Milan's. Your demeanor changed, you were fine and then you looked...sad." Jens heard Lucas sigh. "You said you'd tell me what happened later."

"Yeah." Lucas dropped his head for a moment before looking back up at Jens. The light in his hotel room was soft, a little bit dim, a stripe of sunlight cast across Lucas's face. Jens didn't think Lucas had noticed. "My mom sent me another verse, it just..."

"What verse was it?"

"Uhm..." Lucas looked up, scrunching his face adorably. "I think it was Romans twelve... six? Twelve nine? Something like that." He paused and mussed his hair. "'Love must be sincere' Hate what is evil, cling to good or something." He sighed.

"That sounds nice." Jens didn't know what to say.

"I guess it is, it's just... I don't really know what to do with it. And the 'Hate what is evil' thing, I mean, there's so much that people hate in this world, especially in the name of religion. People think God hates certain people for doing this or that, and this or that isn't really always evil, it just people being people, you know?"

Jens stared, smiling softly.

"Yeah."

He saw Lucas's cheeks flush.

"Sorry. Rambling."

"No, it's okay. I like hearing your voice."

Lucas smiled at him before looking away.

"But yeah. I just... don't know what to do. Or say. Especially because my mom really believes in all of it so much, I don't want to say the wrong thing and hurt her."

Not I don't want to say the wrong thing and make her mad. Hurt her.

Lucas really was good.

"I think just... This might sound shitty, but like, humor her. She believes it and it's important to her so just let her have it. You aren't under any obligation to believe it or anything, and other people's beliefs aren't hers or yours. You know?"

"Mmhm." Lucas paused, twisting his mouth. "I just don't know where her beliefs lie. Like..." He dropped his hands from under his head and laid them flat on the bed, resting his chin on his forearms. "What she agrees with. What she condones."

There was a silence as Jens realized.

"You haven't come out to her."

Lucas shook his head, looking guilty.

"That's okay," Jens said hurriedly, not wanting him to feel bad. It was okay that he hadn't come out to his mother, that he hadn't come out to his friends. He didn't have to yet, didn't have to at all if that's what he decided. "You don't have to."

"I know, I just kind of feel like I'm lying. We used to have a really close relationship. I used to tell her everything, I still do, kind of." He propped himself back up again. "I told her about the whole mess with Kes and Isa. Didn't tell her I fucked that up because I had a crush on Kes." He looked down sadly. "I told her I liked Isa."

"Mm."

Lucas looked back up at Jens, a sly smile on his face.

"Jealous?"

"Little bit." It was true. The first time he'd seen the pictures of Kes he'd wondered if he was Lucas's boyfriend. And he got why Lucas had had a crush on him, he was very pretty.

Not as pretty as Lucas, of course.

"You don't have to be, I like another guy now."

"Yeah? Do I know him?" He looked at Lucas's face. The mood had shifted and Lucas's eyes were sparkling.

"Yeah, you might." Lucas sat up, sitting crisscross. "I think he goes to your school. He's kind of a dork, he likes space and movies. But obviously he's not a true film fan; he's never seen the '96 version of Romeo and Juliet." Lucas nodded knowingly.

"I see." Jens nodded, pretending to think about it.

"Also he likes greasy food. And he's really pretty." Lucas raised his eyebrows pointedly. "He's... Oof."

"Yeah?" Jens suppressed a smile.

"Fucking gorgeous. God damn." Lucas pretended to swoon and threw himself onto his back.