Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Zondag 13:08

tw: mentions of self-harm
Jens
      Jens looked across the bed at Lucas, who was sitting with his back against the headboard, a plastic bowl in his lap. He was looking at his phone, lifting fries  to his mouth, taking small bites. Jens hadn't seen Lucas eat since he'd arrived in Utrecht, and he was happy to see him eat, even it was just a small amount of junk food. Lucas's eyes cut up from his phone, looking at Jens, and he smiled shyly, looking back down. Jens grinned.

      "Hey." Jens kicked Lucas's foot, taking his leg out from under himself.

       "Hey." Lucas set his phone on his lap, taking another bite.

       "Questions?" Jens asked, holding up his phone. Lucas nodded. "Okay, hang on."

       He could feel Lucas's eyes on him while he searched. About a minute later, he looked up at Lucas, who was gazing at him, his lower lip between his lips. They stared at each other for a few seconds, not saying anything until Jens interrupted the silence, clearing his throat.

       "Uhm..." He broke their eye contact, looking down at his phone. "Do you have any tattoos or piercings?" He looked back up at him, raising his eyebrows and cocking his head.

      "I think you would know if I did." Lucas's voice was soft, even though he was suppressing a smile.

      "Okay, true. Would you get any tattoos or piercings?" he fixed the question.

      "Hm." Lucas took a deep breath. He watched Jens, thinking. "Maybe."

       "What would you get?"

      "Tattoo, I don't know. Piercing, maybe..." He lifted a finger and touched the side of his nose. Jens smiled brightly.

      "That would look cute on you."

     "Isa got hers down a while ago and I  thought it looked nice."

      "Mm." Jens nodded. It would look nice on Lucas. Artistic. "Your turn."

      Lucas looked down at his phone, typing, and Jens took the moment to appreciate the boy sitting across from him. Messy curls, tired blue eyes. A different hoodie than he slept in the previous night, Jens's hoodie that he'd had in his bag, a hoodie Lucas stole while Jens was in the shower. Jens had taken revenge by stealing one of Lucas's t-shirts while he was picking the food up from the delivery person. Just Lucas's smile alone when he walked back into the room, carrying two paper bags, seeing Jens sit and smile innocently, could have kept Jens's heart bright for weeks.

       But when Jens's eyes skimmed down to Lucas's hand, purple and green, his heart broke a little.

     "Can I ask  you a question?"

      "I thought it was my turn," Lucas said quietly, not looking up.

      "You can ask me after."

      "Go ahead." He sounded like he already knew what Jens was going to ask.

      It was a few seconds before he did.

      "Do you hurt yourself?"

      Lucas looked up at him, dropping his phone.

      "Only during breakdowns." He held up his hand, showing Jens the bruises. He'd told Jens about the mindlessness of it, how he usually didn't even know he'd been hurt until afterward. The room was silent, the sounds of the outside world muffled behind walls and closed windows.