Our Future (BILLIE EILISH)

- E i g h t e e n -

December 25th:

Billie's POV:

Maddie broke down last night, and it broke my heart. She didn't break down over me. I asked her if she wanted to spend Christmas with my family, my dumbass- I'm just dumb in general. It like triggered her, like PTSD almost.

She said that she didn't belong here, she didn't belong with my family. She said she deserved to be on her own, she doesn't deserve a family that loves her. I can't even describe what that did to me, she went on and talked about how she shouldn't have gotten close with everyone.

I'm glad she got close with everyone, it breaks my heart to see her doubt something like this. My mom knows about her family, cause I slipped up one night. I didn't say anything that bad, my mom just asked about her family and I told her.

My mom has told me how much she loves Maddie, and she said that she's going to treat Maddie how she should've been treated. I literally teared up at that, cause I saw the way Maddie was when she talked about her family, the bitch was heartbroken. All she's ever wanted is for people to care about her and show her love, she used to claim that was too much to ask for, because she was under this impression that she didn't deserve it.

Claudia has really helped her through it too, normally, I don't know who she goes to besides me. I used to think it was Dani, they're still friends. But it's not the same, I haven't talked to her about it. I think tour affected their friendship. I know she's still really close with the twins. So the twins are always there for her.

I don't know what her mom was like, she never really dug deep about her. All I know is that she died, and that her mom wrote her a letter. Maddie thinks I forgot about that, and I did. For a minute, but then I remembered. Maddie wouldn't throw something like that away, this sounds horrible. But I've been looking for it, the last time she talked about it. She said that it was in her purse. I couldn't get it out even if I tried, I don't want her to catch me doing it either. She never changes her purse either, I have never met a girl that has kept the same bag that long before.

This whole thing happened months ago, so I don't wanna bring it up out of the blue. I wanna bring it up today, but I don't wanna put her through it either. I just wanna help her, I wanna show her that we're all here and we're not going to leave. She's stuck with me, and therefore she's stuck with them.

I feel like this doesn't always affect her, it only happens in certain situations. This, I understand. Family. Christmas. She doesn't have a family and that's a reminder of everything that happened.

We opened presents a few hours ago, Maddie was okay during it. I feel like she realized that it's not as bad as what she thought it was going to be. We all did amazing at getting each other gifts.

It was probably like two by now, I was laying in between Maddie's legs. I was scrolling on my phone, and she was scrolling on hers.

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