Our Future (BILLIE EILISH)

- T h i r t y e i g h t -

Flashback- February 2019

Billie's POV:

Billie: "I..." I fiddled with my rings because I was scared of where this was going to go.

Q: "I swear if you say that you love me, I will leave this room and you will never see me again. Because I know you Bil! You don't love me!"

That instantly shut me up, this is why I don't do feelings or whatever. Because I always love too hard, and never get the same feelings reciprocated.

He walked to the bathroom of the hotel room we were at, I have a show in like 2 hours. I walked to Finneas' hotel room and opened the door. He could tell just by the look on my face, that something was really wrong. He opened his arms, and I hugged him so tight and I cried. I cried so hard.

I just don't understand, how you can treat someone so good in public, and then the second you're behind closed doors. It's a completely different person because the person that's behind closed doors isn't the person that I love.

I don't even know what love is, I'm 17. I have never been in love; I've just never felt this way so I'm labeling it as love. It's not love. This isn't love. At all.

...

It was after the show, I put all my feelings into that show. I cried during bitches broken hearts, I jumped so fucking hard during copycat. I'm pissed, but I'm also sad as hell.

I was walking back to the tour bus so I could go back to the hotel, of course, there was paparazzi. I was walking fast as hell, so I could get out of the public eye for one fucking second.

Q walked on shortly after, I was sitting in a chair so he couldn't sit by me. He knows he got to me, he knows that he hurt me, but he's not going to change it.

I need to decide what's going to happen, I have the power to send him home. But I don't wanna be the one that hurts him. I'd rather end up hurt, rather than hurting someone.

I've never been one to hurt someone, I'll let them put me through hell before I hurt them. I was scrolling through my phone, I wasn't even paying attention to what I was scrolling through.

Q: "Come sit with me B." He patted the seat next to him.

I hesitated before I made my way over there, I sat down near him. I wasn't sitting right next to him like I usually do.

He scooted closer to me and placed his hand on my thigh, I try not to think about it. Because I know that he doesn't love me, so I shouldn't love him.

Q: "You put on a good show."

Billie: "I try."

He looked at me, he knows that something's wrong. But he's too oblivious to figure out that it's him.

Q: "When we get back to the hotel, I have something to tell you."

Billie: "Just tell me now."

Q shook his head, what if he tells me that he loves me? I would be pissed, but I would also be happy because that's all I ever wanted from him. But if he did tell me, I don't think I would say it back. Yes, I was going to tell him earlier, but he gave me a reason not to tell him.

I was in my thoughts for a majority of the bus ride, I don't understand why my dumbass would 'fall' for someone that treats me like shit. I know I'm not perfect, and I know I make mistakes. But I know for a fact I don't deserve the treatment I'm getting from him.

We pull up to the hotel, and I get off that bus so quickly. Q caught up with me and laced our hands together, I took my hand out of his and crossed my arms.