Our Future (BILLIE EILISH)

- T h i r t y s e v e n -

February 5th.

Maddie's POV:

I was woken up to Milo sitting on me, and she's grown and gained weight like she should. She's heavy as fuck, I rolled over because I know Milo wants to be next to Billie. Once I moved over, Milo happily took her place by Billie. I smiled at them, I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't.

There's nothing really planned for today, except that I'm going to film a YouTube video explaining everything. And I'm also going to chop off all my hair, and bleach the underneath. I've wanted to do it ever since it became a trend, so now I have to do it before I'm owned by a company.

I got up and I showered, got dressed. I was sitting at my vanity doing my makeup, I had my AirPods in because I didn't wanna wake Billie up. It was almost 11, my hair appointments not till 1. But it takes time to film and get there.

I kinda want Billie to wake up before I leave, but I don't think she's going to. She had a late night, she had dance and she had a meeting with Finneas. She didn't tell me what the meeting was about, but she assured me that it wasn't about tour.

I walked downstairs, and Milo didn't follow. I really need to go grocery shopping, so I'm going to grab food on the way to the hair stylist. I'm nervous as fuck for it, I haven't REALLY cut my hair in almost a year. I like how long it is, but if I'm really looking at it. It takes a lot of work.

I wrote my note while I was downstairs.

'Went to go change my whole appearance, I want your reaction on camera to make my video better :) I love you.'

I walked upstairs, and I placed the note on her nightstand, I kissed her forehead and I was on my way. It took entirely too long to set up my camera in my car, but I finally got it.

"Sup thots, this camera set up is really ghetto. But I didn't wanna film the intro in my house because Billie is sleeping and I didn't wanna wake her. So it's currently 11:40 and I have a hair appointment, and an appointment to get more ear piercings."

"Now you're looking at me, like why am I doing this? Well the reason is, my life is falling apart and I don't know what to do about it. So the only way I can cope with my life falling apart is if I chop off all my hair, bleach the underneath and get five more piercings- well I have an appointment to get five more, but I don't know if I'mma do it."

I started my car and I started driving to Starbucks.

"So let's talk the reason my life is falling apart, okay I feel like I need to clear some things up. My life isn't really falling apart, there's just some big ass shit that's happening and I don't know how to deal it with it. But if I filmed this video five days ago when I couldn't accept it, I would have worded it so differently. But I'm doing a lot better than I was."

"But to make this a lot more dramatic, because there's still things about it that I don't wanna accept. But everyone around me didn't think that it was that big of a deal. Everyone thinks that it's what's best for me, which like I see why they say that and it is the best thing for me. I went to London for London fashion week in late January, it was so much fun and it made my mental health so much better. Last time I was in London, I was not having a good time. Aka I had a sinus infection because I was traveling back to back. So while I was there, a modeling agency offered me a three month contract. And then afterwards I could sign with them for a year, but I don't think I have commitment like that. So I decided that I'm going to do it, after so much tossing at turning and talking with everyone I know. Everyone advised me to do it, now you're looking at me like 'what's the problem?' Well the problem is, is that I leave March 23rd and I was supposed to go on tour with Billie again. I really wanted to go because tour was so much fun and last time, it was so good for my mental health and I got to be with my favorite people."