The Last Search For Arlow Tsai In The Multiverse

Case File: First Appearance #27

Arl woke up hungry and thirsty. The unknown biotic counts were moving down but still really slowly. Arl had water, which was a remarkably pure (and nearly tasteless) experience. It was really just water and had no other trace of anything.

About two hours later, Arl needed to discover where the facilities were. There was some concern about what came out. The deeply colored urine was not new to Arl, since heavy bicycling in hot weather could have that effect. It was the consistency of the other. Almost oily. Arl had gone into a condition known by many dieters, "ketosis". Fat cells were depleting themselves of high density organics, and the other cells were taking the quickest energy paths from what the fat cells were giving. The resulting cellular waste was high in ketones.

There were many [bump over] moments. Arl wanted advice. 'Was this a sickness? Should I Should take a sample?'

It was finally revealed that no samples were needed because the "facilities" were already data collecting devices.

So then it became just a matter of asking how to dispose. Which, turns out, was controlled by a screen menu selection.

There were many hours of confusion on a different topic. The Lan and Wroug did not understand electrons, protons, or neutrons in any translatable way. Arl had not even brought up the topic, but food (please describe the types of things that make up food) was a conceptual rabbit hole.

They knew to provide H2O, but wanted to also know about other organics. It eventually took Arl trying to use fingers to mimic electron valence orbit. That seemed to match their system, while periodic table topics were all [bump over]s.

Happily Arl showed that:

1). Methanol (a carbon atom and an oxygen-hydrogen molecule with a double electron share) was a mild toxin to be avoided.

2). Ethanol (two carbons and an oxygen-hydrogen pair with a double electron share) was safer as food. It had side effects, so not preferred as food.

3). Ketones were a mild toxin and should be avoided.

Sadly, Arl realized he knew nothing about proteins, fats, fructose, dextrose, sucrose, and any variety of things he knew were good for you. Not to describe. He saw those things in college text books that were left at the commune. He had school classes where they memorized those names. Arl did not retain the structures. The internet and books were always on hand if you needed to find that kind of information.

Imagine being plucked off of planet earth and then being asked to describe what is the organic structure of the things you eat?

Arlow Tsai has become the perfect poster child for a common phrase. "When would I ever need to know that?"

The Lan health systems were very, very capable to keeping a Lan healthy. It took stored energy and maintained healthful bodies. That technology would be perfect for Arl right now.

Two problems though:

1). Considering how powerful the health system is, would you ever want it to use in a confused or wrong manner? Technology that can support health is a technology that can really break it.

2). Arlow Tsai was an unaffiliated copy. Something the Lans (and many other in the galaxy) are not fond of. They would make no official attempt to supply a health system technology to an unaffiliated copy.