i can't help it (mj fanfiction)

Chapter 31: I. Dont. Want. Kids.

1986

"Jake please! Just think about it. We've been married for years, I want a child please." My hands fiddled with the knife as I cut into the block of cheese.

"We've been over this before! I don't want kids, I'm sorry." He sat at the kitchen counter in front of me.

I huffed "Jake..." I set the knife down. "...please. I need to have a baby with you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

He bit into the cheese and cracker, "Penny-" he chewed.

My chin began to quiver. I had been so strong before, but I needed to have a child. It was one of my dreams. And if Jake didn't want that now and this far into our marriage, would he want it ever? "Do you not love me enough to give me a child? Why wouldn't you be at least flattered that I want to have a baby with you?!" I raised my voice, Jakes face grew angry.

"Of course I love you. But it doesn't change the fact that I don't want a kid!!" He stood out of the chair.

"Ugh! Why are you so difficult? So I will never be able to have a baby as long as I'm married to you then?" My eyes began to water. "You'll never change your mind?"

He was silent. "If you want a kid that bad, then get a divorce and become a single mom because I-" he stood closer to me "I. Don't. Want. Kids." He clapped in my face, condescendingly. A tear fell down my cheek, would I really have to divorce him to fulfill my wish of becoming a mother? We hadn't talked much about having children so I shouldn't have been surprised this was happening, but I thought he would care more than he was.

"Well if you don't get me pregnant then I will find another man to do it for you. I'm having a baby one day, whether you're the father or not." He scoffed and stormed off to our bedroom, the phone began to ring. "Hello?" I answered.

"Penny?"

"Hi dad." I sighed.

"You okay honey?"

"No..." I broke down into tears. "Could I stay with you for a little bit?" I surprisingly asked.

"Oh Penny. I was just about to tell you-"

"Dad please. I can't be with Jake right now."

"I- yeah of course. But I'm not in L.A. I'm in Brooklyn."

"Why are you in Brooklyn?" I wiped my tears away.

"I was actually just going to tell you. I'm-" he hesitated.

"Is it bad?" I tugged at my hair nervously.

"Umm well in one way actually..." he giggled. "I'm filming Michaels Bad music video... in Brooklyn."

I shook my head, "Oh wow. That's cool, even more reason for me to see you right?" I was actually happy he was close, I needed a break from Jake.

"Yeah. Do you want to come to my hotel? I can get you a room."

"That sounds great. Thank you so much."

———— One hour later

"Don't go." Jake whined.

"Jake... I think I just need some alone time. I will be back soon enough." I pulled my suitcase with me towards the door.

"I love you babe." He hummed, trying time lure me back to him.

"Yeah, I know." I walked out of the apartment, the air of the hallway cleared my senses. I needed this time away from Jake. All we were doing was fighting and having make-up sex. Nothing was getting better, our relationship wasn't thriving like it was awhile back.

I walked out of the subway, the smell of cigarette smoke rotting my lungs. The grimy floor -stained with things I didn't even want to know about- dirtied my shoes.

There my dad was, leaning against the tile wall. "Dad." I breathed out heavily as I hugged him tight.

"Hey kid. You okay?"

"Mm, better. I just needed to get away for awhile."

"Yeah I get it." We walked up the concrete stairs, the cool winter air bit my cheeks.

"How's mom been?"

"She's doing great. She's home right now, living her best life."

"That's good." We walked to the hotel. It was large and fancy. There were tons of people outside of it screaming and yelling, I assumed it was for Michael. "How'd you get this job?"

"Oh well... Michael called me up some months ago talking about an idea he had, wanted to know if I could make it into a reality. So here we are."

"Cool. When's the first day of shooting?"

"It's tomorrow, we got here today."

"Oh wow. I'm glad you called, I don't know what would've happened with Jake and I if I didn't leave." We stepped onto the elevator, my cheeks finally heating back up.

"Yeah what happened?"

I hesitated, nervous to talk about kids in front of my dad. "Well... I want kids." He raised his eyebrows and nodded. "But he doesn't."

"That's all?"

I scrunched my eyebrows "Well... I guess. But that's kind of a big deal. I mean I want to have a child with him. But when I tell him he claps in my face telling me if I want a baby that bad then I should get a divorce. So... it is kind of a lot."

"Oh. Damn. I'm sorry Penny. I've got your back though. I know how much you've wanted to be a mom, so this must be difficult."

He kissed the top of my head before we walked down the long hallway. "Yeah, it is. But I will be okay. We will work it out."

"Is that a question or a statement?"  He unlocked my hotel room and I waltz in.

I looked up to my dad with worried eyes "I don't know." I shrugged.