𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

IMMEDIATELY

serenity "renny" rivera

april 21, 2017

"so what, i have to fucking babysit you now?" i snapped, forcefully shoving isaiah onto the couch and glaring at him, then the cocaine powder on the table.

"renny, chill, you don't understand." he spoke, though he was way too high to even be arguing with, and his nose was starting to bleed from his activities.

"i don't need to fucking understand shit. and i'm not talking about anything with you while you're like this," i said flatly, not even sure what to do with the drugs on the table, or with him, and letting out a frustrated sigh.

"lets go, you need to just go to sleep." i said, pulling him by the arm to lift him off of the couch, to which he complied in getting up, but then pulled his arm away.

"i'm not bout to sleep off my high." he argued, narrowing his bloodshot eyes at me, and i felt my wrist twitch with aggravation, before aggressively yanking him by the arm and forcing him out of the living room.

he let out a grumble, though i ignored his noise and finally responded to his argument as we approached the staircase. "you don't have a fucking say, since you wanna act like you have no sense."

he glanced at me, before crossing his arms and looking at the stairs. "you realize my room is downstairs, right? and i'm the stupid one?"

i sucked in a deep breath through my nostrils, my wrist twitching again, threatening to move on its own and smack him in the face with all my strength, though i fought this urge and simply shut my eyes tight, as i spoke.

"isaiah, why would i trust you in your fucking room where you probably have more fucking shit?" i asked, to which he let out a jittery laugh, and i took it as my point being made, before walking with him up the stairs.

we got into my room, where i laid him on the bed, before grabbing a tissue and starting to wipe the blood leaking from his nose, while he laid there and stared at me, and i could only imagine what he was seeing and feeling.

"izzy, do you know what type of shit could happen to you because of this?" i asked, glaring down at him, though i was becoming more upset than angry.

he shrugged his shoulders, looking away from me, seemingly well aware of what my point was and what the consequences were, but not wanting to face or discuss them, which made me watch down on him, observing his behaviors.

he raised a hand, rubbing his nose, before he spoke, his voice full of energy from his high, yet his body language and facial expression seemingly becoming low and drained as quickly as he spoke. "i just wanna feel something."

my heart dropped in my chest, and i let out a breath, shutting my eyes before shaking my head. "this isn't it. this isn't want you need to be feeling."

he shrugged once again, shutting his eyes and letting out a harsh exhale, making me rise from where i'd seated beside him on the bed, and walk out of the room, to dispose of the bloody tissue in my hands and wash them.

once done with, i returned to my room with the mental note to take my medicine now, before anything piled onto the stress of this and ended in a bad outcome, though as i stepped into the room, i noticed isaiah rolled over on his side, simply staring at the wall.

not even his eyes moved to look at me as i entered, and i let out a sigh, being that i understood nothing that he was going through or what was prompting him to do things like this, though i knew regardless i wouldn't accept any excuse for him endangering his life and future for a quick high.

i opened my drawer and quickly went through my pill bottles, popping pill after pill, then glanced back at isaiah, to see him still staring at the wall, though his eyelids seemed to be drooping.

i shut the drawer, before letting out a quiet exhale and making my way out of the room, heading downstairs to the kitchen and getting a bottle of water out of the fridge to wash down the pills, shaking my head at the thought of everything that'd just happened.

just as soon as i put the cap on the water bottle in my hands, the aroma of cigarette smoke surrounded me, and a cloud of smoke was blown out beside me before a hand slapped my head gently, to which i huffed before i turned around to face jahseh.

"you knew isaiah was out here snorting crack?" i asked, to which he pressed his lips together and glanced in the other direction.

"what are you talking about?" he asked, taking a drag from the cigarette in his hand and still not looking in my direction, making me shake my head and glare at him.

i continued to stare until he, guiltily, raised his gaze to me, playing with one of his blonde dreads. "that's supposed to be your 'brother'," i air quoted, staring at him flatly. "why the fuck are you letting him do that?"

he let out a sigh, before he shook his head and spoke. "you don't get it-"

before he could even finish, i interjected, crossing my arms. "i don't wanna fucking get it. if you were snorting crack would you want everyone to let it happen or would you want us to try to get you to fucking stop and get help?"

his mouth shut almost immediately, and he didn't say anything else, to which i only scoffed. "i don't know how y'all treat the people you love, but that boy is the only thing i have left. the only family member, friend, anything. i swear to everything i believe in, if i ever lose him because of something that could've been prevented by yall.." i trailed, not even knowing what to say next.

he was silent and still, and i shook my head and began pushing walking him, but not before i spoke lowly, though loud enough for him to hear, and flat enough for him to know i meant every word.

"y'all ain't shit."

~
i'm so tired also i hope there's no typos