𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

SYMPATHY

serenity "renny" rivera

june 5, 2017

as soon as i reached the entrance of the house, i heard the conversation between my mother and father halt as they saw me, and my mother covered her mouth and put the tissue that was balled up in her hand to her teary eyes.

she looked up at my father, who was already staring at me with hard, cold eyes, and she let out a sob, making me roll my eyes as i stood in front of them boredly.

"hello serenity." my father said, his puerto rican accent gently ringing the r in my name, and i stared up at him blankly.

"father."

his face only stiffened more, and he seemed ready to speak, but isaiah came beside me and put a hand on my arm. "do y'all wanna come in and sit o-"

"they're fine here." i said dryly, keeping my eyes locked in the stare off with my father, who wasn't budging either.

the energy around us was awkward and uncomfortable, but between us there was nothing being transmitted from our stares except anger and hatred, and it only seemed to fuel each other to stare harder and longer.

"why're you here?" i asked, finally breaking away from the stare and crossing my arms, looking over at my mother.

truth be told, i didn't hate my mother half as much as i hated my father, but i couldn't stand the fact that she took his side and let him bitch her around like she was some type of animal, and treat the both of us like shit.

she was weak, a horrible example of what a woman should be, and if i was stupid i would've grown up to be just as weak and easy to walk over as she was, and quite honestly i partially was, in the sense of relationships, being that i let robb treat me like shit, too.

it was her fault, though i try not to publicly blame her, everything was her fault.

when my dad would have his drunk rage fits, or treat my mother like she was worth nothing and only use her for what benefit him, or bring other women over when she wasn't around, and even sometimes when she was, it only taught me to believe that it was okay.

and when i'd ask about it, i'd be silenced, because that was a conversation we weren't allowed to have, and i was too young to understand what love was.

and maybe i was, but i definitely wasn't too young to understand what love wasn't. and had she not let me witness and accept so much bullshit from my father, i wouldn't have accepted and let myself witness so much from any other man.

or maybe it wasn't me learning from what i witnessed, it was just me inheriting her weakness and stupidity as a woman.

that'd be just as bad, though.

"can we come in? talk?" she asked, her small, skinny body shaking gently, which made me roll my eyes and drop my crossed arms, glancing between her and my father.

"no, you can't. what is there to talk about?"

my father lifted his hand and pointed his finger directly in my face, his eyebrows arched angrily. "you're a wild animal, diablita! you're insane, and you can't control your fucking attitude."

i stared blankly at his finger, before shoving it out of my face boredly and nodding my head. "okay, if you really feel that way, why did fuck did you come all the way out here just to find me? if i'm such a fucking devil and i'm so insane? suck a dick."

"watch your fucking mouth when you talk to me, you crazy bitch!" he shouted, which earned shouts of protest and upset from everyone inside the house, while isaiah opened his mouth to speak to his uncle, but i only pushed him aside and fully into the house.

"go ahead, say it, say it while you can, cause i'm shutting the door now." i said flatly, titling my head and looking at him patiently, with no hint of emotion whatsoever.

he huffed in anger and shouted again, this time even louder, echoing through the house and damn near rattling through my bones. "damn you! you're going to hell! you'll burn with the devil, where you belong!"

"i'll see you there." i said, stepping aside and slamming the door in both of their faces, and then turning around and glancing at isaiah.

i would've made a smart comment, but i didn't even have it in me, so i just gave him a 'i told you i didn't want to see them' look and walked past him and everyone in the house, who all watched me quietly, as if they expected anything more from me than to just walk off nonchalantly.

jahseh's face was the last one i saw before i made my way away from the entrance and up the stairs, and he looked at me differently from everyone else, his eyes didn't hold pity, confusion or expectancy like everyone else's.

his held sympathy, as if he understood exactly what'd just happened and felt for me, and it made me sigh to think of it as i walked into my room, because it only added onto the list of things that made him, and ways he was, perfect.

i barely had shut the door to my room for five minutes when it opened, but i sat on the bed, facing away from the door and staring at the wall, and i didn't budge to see who was at the door, though i was hoping it would only be one person, jahseh.

i felt the bed dip beside me, before an arm wrapped around my shoulder and gently pushed my head down against their chest, and the familiar feel and scent of jahseh's body made me relax into his hold and lay against him comfortably, while i continued to stare at the wall.

i waited for him to speak, and he seemed to notice i was waiting, because he spoke finally, though his words caught me off guard.

"we don't have to do any talking, i just wanna be here with you, for you."

~
why r my parents so damn toxiccc??????