🪐✨🌙I am not Moon🌙✨🪐

s e v e n t e e n

A/N: Warning, there will be some slight triggering topics up ahead. Well, possible triggers for some readers.

s a t u r d a y

8:05 a.m.

Yoongi's POV

It is now the day of the interview, unfortunately - sadly Y/N is not joining us. I'm not going to lie. I hoped they would. Shocking, since according to the media - I'm the "cold" and "intimidating" one of the group. For once in my life, I woke up early. I get up from my bed and head to the kitchen. I walk into the living/dining room I notice a box on the table. I walk closer to see it's a box of pastries from a popular bakery. There is a note on top of it.

Sorry, I had to leave early. I hope you all slept well and did not stay up playing Overwatch. *Cough* Jung *cough cough* kookie, Anway, make sure you all eat! There's coffee in the kitchen. Unless, Yoongi drank them all. Have fun at your interview, I'll be watching it. Okay, have fun and take care. Fighting!

-y/n <3

I smile at the note. I think it's cute the way they act and shows their care for us. What - two weeks ago they were all shy and closed off. Only focused on producing the album. I mean, they still are, but we're all close. It feels homey, family like in a way when Y/N is around.

Aish! Yoongi what are you thinking?

"What are you smiling at?" Hoseok asks.

"Don't worry about it," I tell him, walking to the kitchen.

There are two trays of coffee, each one with a sticky note on it with our names. I chuckle, they're kind I think. I take my coffee, they really memorized our orders.

"Yo! These are so good!" I hear Jungkook exclaim.

It is too early to be this loud. It still doesn't stop me from quietly chuckling at Jungkook's exclaim.

"You should thank Y/N when we see them," I state, walking back into the living room.

"What's with all the yelling?" Seokjin questions, rubbing his eyes.

Once he saw the pastries, his eyes go wide like the moon. And he is up ladies and gentlemen! Soon after Jin came out - one by one the rest of the boys came out. Running once they saw the sugary and savory sweets.

"There's coffee in the kitchen," I tell them, walking off to my room.

I think I'm falling more. What?

<<<<><><<<>>>

8:00 a.m.

Your POV

"Pd-nim, I'll be there soon," I inform BangPdm, and then wait for him to end the call.

The call ends and I put the cap back on my pen, placing the note on top of the box of pastries. Earlier this morning I got the members coffee and pastries since today is their interview. I know they have done plenty of interviews, but since I'm not joining them I thought I would make it up to them with this. I look around the living room, making sure no one sees me. I want it to be a surprise for them. Letting out a sigh, I grab my helmet and exit the dorm. Driving off to the BigHit building.

<<<><><><><>>

9:45 a.m.

I walk into the building, straight to the elevator. Sadly, Sae-wa is not working today and the other guy that works the front desk creeps me out. I arrive at the floor of BangPdm's office.

I knock, "Come in!" I hear, so I walk in.

BangPdm and Sejin are standing by the window. How do you not freak out, this is like a ten plus story building? I wonder.

"You wanted to see me?" I state, closing the door behind me.

The two turn to face me. Deja vu. I suddenly feel like I'm a student getting called into the principals office. I know I haven't don't anything by wrong but it still hasn't stoped the anxiety-like feeling. I hold myself up. I don't want BangPdm and Sejin to suggest that I'm nervous.

"Yes. I wanted to ask you what your answer is to performing with BTS," BangPdm says, walking to his desk.

When you forget about something, that's kind of a big thing check.

"Oh," was all I could spit out.

"It's alright if you don't want to perform with the boys," Sejin tells me.

"No, no, it's not that I don't want to, it's just- I don't know how to explain it," I reply, fumbling on my words.

BangPdm motions for me to sit down, I take a seat on the couch. BangPdm and Sejin make their way to the seats in front of the couch and sit across from me.

I let out a sigh, "Can I have until tomorrow to answer?" I ask.

"I will give you until tomorrow afternoon, but I want to know why you haven't answered," BangPdm says, in a concerned voice.

Here we go Y/N. You and your big mouth.

"Okay, but I would appreciate it if you do not tell the members. I don't want them to worry," I state, looking at BangPdm then to Sejin.

"You have our word, now tell us," Sejin says, straightening his back.

"The reason I'm hesitant to perform with them, is because I don't want to be found," I say, Sejin and BangPdm have a confused look.

Sejin and Pam give each other a concerned look.

"Let me clarify! When I was seventeen I moved here - to Korea. I was fresh out of high-school, trying my best to stay hidden....from my mother," I let my words linger for a moment.

I take a breath and decide to continue, "My mother was not the best, she despised me. To her I was just like my father - a day dreamer. Someone who would never amount to anything, unless I had a man to follow," I state.

I rub my my thumb against the skin of my index finger. I look towards the two men in front of me. Their expression read concern and pity.

"Whenever I had the slightest bit of cash, my mother would take it. God knows what she did with it. Every time she saw me doing anything with music, she would rip it up or break it. Then that would end with me being bruised or scared. That's why I use Moon as my name. Why I stay hidden," I say.

It feels weird, and awkward. Telling two people I barely know about my trauma. At least I somewhat sugar coated it I tell myself.

"Y/N, I apologize for forcing you to tell us this. If there is anything we can do, let us know," BangPdm says.

Why does he look like he just saw a ghost? I wonder.

"No need to apologize! It's alright! I'm sure by now she wouldn't recognize me," I chuckle, standing up.

"If that's it, I'll be in my studio," I say.

"You may go, take care," BangPdm tells me. I leave.

And now I'm the outsider. . . again.

A/N: Hello! uh, that was something. I apologize if I triggered a flashback or something else, i'm sorry. PTSD, trauma and other sh*tty things suck. If any of you ever want to talk or just need to vent, I'll be here. Anyway, have a nice day or night. Take care and stay safe luvs<3