Hold My Love

Chapter 67: Miscarriage

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GIOVANNI POV.

Finding out that she had been pregnant through the miscarriage hurt her more than the miscarriage itself.

She blamed herself, I could see it clearly in her eyes. But I knew that it was all my fault. She wouldn't have lost our baby if I hadn't been stressing her out. When she passed out the day of Luca's birthday party, I was worried but I didn't take it as seriously as it has now turned out to be.

"Why!"

"Maddy do you mind taking Luca to the play room?"

Sophia glares at the maid, "don't touch my son!"

After the miscarriage, she's been very clingy with Luca. She hates when the staff touch him and if he's away from her for too long, she goes crazy.

I look at my distraught wife and take in the damage I have made, "Sophia, baby listen. I just think...I think we should grieve the baby before we go and make another one. We shouldn't just want to get pregnant so we can cover up the pain. Your still hurting....maybe we should get therap-"

She laughs, "I survived postpartum depression on my own without you giving a crap. I don't need you to act like you care all of a sudden".

That hurt me. She knew that I still and will forever feel guilty for not being there for her when she needed me the most.

She sighs, "Look Giovanni, It's been four months since it happened. I'm over it".

She absolutely refuses to use the term miscarriage instead she refers to it as 'the incident'. And I didn't want her to be 'over it', I wanted her to properly heal from it.

"But what if I don't want a baby?"

She does a double take, "What! Giovanni are you for real?"

I shrug, "You say that your done mourning but what about me? I'm still hurting, Sophia".

She turns around picking up Luca who had been watching us then she storms upstairs.

This has been going on for the past four months. At first she told me she never wanted to have another baby again. That Luca was enough for her and although It hurt me because I wanted more kids, I agreed with what she wanted. I knew that she was traumatized and feared that if she got pregnant again the same thing would happen.

But then two months ago she started pushing me to get her pregnant. She's trying to cover up her pain by having another baby. Although getting pregnant is what she wanted, I know that getting help is what she needed-what we both needed.

Sophia had a hard time understanding that I was hurting as well. She only thought that because she was the one that physically endured the miscarriage, she was the only one with a broken heart.

And although I did a good jo hiding it, losing our child broke me in a way I never thought I could be broken. After I heard her screaming, I got a maid to finish Luca's bath then I carried Sofia to our bathtub where we sat for an hour straight as she bleed out screaming until she lost her voice.

I've had a lot of blood in my hands but the clots of thick dark red blood-of what could have been my child in nine months to come, shook me to the core like nothing before.

The only people I kill are rapists and pedophiles-although that doesn't make murdering better. But after the miscarriage, I can't bring myself to take any more lives than I already have. It has affected me so bad that at least once a week I get a nightmare of the miscarriage.

When I get upstairs I find Sophia in Luca's toddler bed holding the child in her arms. She couldn't sleep without him and I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop.

I turn off the spiderman lamp and kiss my son on the head. Sophia jumps awake and sighs when she sees it's me.

"Sorry love, I just came to say goodnight".

She let's go of Luca and wraps her arms around my neck, "I want to sleep with you tonight".

My heart drops but suck it up and carry her to bed anyways. If she wants a baby, I'll give her one even if it hurts me to do so.

"Giovanni what are you doing".

I frown, "What now Sophia, I'm giving you what you want".

She rolls away from under me, "No I didn't mean sleep with you as in sex. I meant I want to sleep in your arms tonight stupid".

"I'm relieved but don't call me stupid. And why did you miss me?"

"Shut up before I go back".

I slap her ass, "No more cursing and I wouldn't let you leave either way. We haven't talked like decent people in so long. Tell me what's in that big head of yours".

"Oh please, everyone knows your the one with the big head and I thought about and I think your right. I need therapy, I need to get better".

I smile and kiss her soft lips, "I'll find us one. We both need it and after we heal, I'll gladly put a baby in here".

She laughs and I pull her back under me so that I can rest my head on her chest.

"I'm thinking of four more. How does that sound darling?"

"No way am I pushing out four more big headed kid's. Two more and that's it".

I unbutton her night shirt and kiss her soft breasts, "sure, we'll see".